Jealousy.  We've all experienced it at one point in our lives.  We see it throughout history, the media, and probably in our everyday lives.  Something expressed directly or indirectly, or kept inside when we feel it.  Some of us deny it but we know deep down we wish we had what someone else has, whether it's materialistic, characteristic or ability.  I thought I'd write something that seems to be unspoken of, but apparent to me when I practiced different forms of martial arts-- jealousy in the dojo (or any place of training, but I'll use the word dojo for now).

Sometimes a little jealousy is a good thing; it makes us work harder to achieve our goals and be the best we could be, but when it's a terrible thing, it can consume you, tear others apart and cause resentment amongst each other.  There are many different reasons why some martial artists feel jealousy towards others in the dojo.

The All Star

There's at least one of these in every dojo.  The one who can do it all, win tournaments, or is soooo good it, every new technique just comes to them so naturally.  Some martial artists may feel jealousy towards this martial artist because that is essentially what a devoted martial artist would like to achieve.. to be the one who can excel without limits.

The Favorite

Every once in awhile you may run into "the favorite," and I have to admit, that back then, I was a little jealous of "the favorite."   I think I felt that way because at one point I was "the favorite" until someone else came along.  My invitations were rejected plenty of times while seconds later, "the favorite" would ask the same thing and they'd all say yes.  But now I think back and laugh about it because I was young and the feeling of jealousy is trivial to me today.  Yes, I was hurt, that's human, but I shouldn't have felt jealous.

Anyways, in some places of practice, sensei's and masters seem treat everyone equally, but sometimes there's "the favorite" that everyone can't help but talk about.  They could be an experienced person who's established themselves for many years, or they could be that new comer that advances so fast that people can't help but admire.

Whether or not "the favorite" knows they are the favorite, is humble, or may take it in and rub it all over, the "bad" jealousy may still emerge due to their popularity.  If "the favorite" does decide to purposely rub it in, dojo war may happen and it gets nasty.  Then those who dislike instead of admire start to feel resentful and/or work harder to beat the competition.  At this point, the practice of martial arts becomes very competitive and loses meaning of why we practice martial arts in the first place.

Love

99% of the time, if you hang around enough of your fellow trainees inside and outside of the dojo, you may hear rumors or find yourself involved in some sort of dojo love drama that could start a new generation of reality series.  One dates one, or leaves one for another, date someone else's ex, the ex may have dated pretty much everyone, or whatever it may be.. the whole works.  When you spend hours and hours per week training and on top, hang out with these people outside the dojo, nature occurs and sparks fly all over the place.   The love interest may be a martial artist or not, but because the core friends are people that train with each other, people talk and rumors spread like melted butter.  Love triangle, love square, love pentagon, or love polygons, emerges and within that, is usually at least one green eyed monster.  That green eyed monster may say a lot of disrespectful things about the other person and then dojo may become a hazardous place to practice, either for others, for the competition or even for the green eyed monster itself.

I have had a situation where this guy I trained with constantly contacted me, sent me messages and called me.  It got to the point where he made me feel really uncomfortable and so eventually I didn't give the attention that he wanted.  (He told me the main reason why he practiced martial arts was so that he can beat up people, his family, and in gangs).  I went on continuing to hang out with the rest of the people.  One day when we were practicing the foot sweep, he purposely slammed his entire leg into the lower/smaller part of my leg bone and it felt like bat whacking bone.  I whimpered holding back the scream and evil man did not apologize, he chuckled.  He continued to practice, earning one belt after another, but at the same time, he made the other people uncomfortable too and refused to interact with anyone else. 

Anyways, I can't think of any other general categories at the moment .  Either way, I don't believe there is a reason one should be the resentful green eyed monster.  Not trying to go Dr. Phil on you, but I think we have to accept the fact that there is always going to be someone "better" than us and our journey never ends.  In regards to love and friendship, if there is someone that other people like "more" than you then perhaps everyone is missing out.  Some of us have to repeat the verses (the dojo moto), before and/or after the dojo practice, about respecting each other, not causing violence, etc.. But once you let the green eyed monster take over and start raging on others or giving others a "bad name" it totally defeats the purpose of saying the verses and practicing in that dojo if it means nothing. 

Once we get past that, we can learn to improve ourselves as martial artists for ourselves, pay closer attention to ourselves and be happy with our pace of progress.  It's not a race to see who can excel faster than the other.  Even though there are competitions (tournaments, etc), if we're always jumping to be better than the other person, we could be missing out on the details on perfecting our techniques.

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randomness

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