My Existential Crisis:

As if one existential crisis weren’t bad enough, I now have to deal with a karate-related one as well.

Yesterday, after a nice yoko geri class, (in which I was relatively awful,) I stayed at the dojo for a long time, talking with Sensei about the status of the school, and its financial situation. I won’t get into details, but, basically, he’s starting to worry about it, and isn’t sure that it can continue as-is for much longer.

(By the way, I really appreciate that he’s so willing to share things like this with me lately. It’s not that he’s letting me in on any big secrets or anything. It’s just the amount of time he’s willing to put into talking to me about these things… It makes me feel almost like his friend.)

At one point, although he didn’t say it directly, Sensei implied that I’m a bit of a special student - someone for whom karate is more important than it is for most people… someone who cares about the state of the school, and gives back to it. Of course, this is a huge compliment. But, the responsibility it implies also terrifies me, especially given Sensei’s concerns over the future of the school.

As a dedicated karateka, I feel that I have more responsibilities than a casual student. I’m not just learning karate to get in shape, to network, or to learn self defense. Although, I honestly couldn’t tell you the reason why I train. All I know is that karate is not just a hobby for me. I care for the art itself. I worry for its future, and for its future students.

In a way, I almost feel like it would be better to just give up training now.

This probably sounds ridiculous coming from a yellow belt, but, lately, I’ve found myself looking towards the future more and more, and I’m starting to feel like my training is just a waste of time. It’s a dead end. I’ll probably never own my own school, never get a chance to teach other people what I’ve learned… and, even if I were to do so, would I ever really be qualified? I honestly don’t know if I can see myself passing on the art correctly. And, yet, nearly every day, Sensei spends his precious time patiently guiding me through everything he’s learned over the years.

When I look around at the students at the dojo now, I don’t see much hope for the future. There are some fantastic students, and some that are quite motivated and passionate. But, there’s no one that I can honestly see passing on what they’ve learned. Some students are simply too old. Some are too busy with work or school or their families. Does this mean that Sensei’s nearly 30 years of teaching has totally gone to waste? Is there no one that is going to pass on what he worked so hard to give us?

Is it up to me? Me, who started so late? Me, who will probably always view herself as an eternal kouhai? Me, who makes excuses for her sloppy form, is lazy, and has bad knees?? Am I the one that this responsibility is going to fall on?

Each day I go to the dojo, Sensei initials my attendance card… but you could also say that he adds another “RR” to my sense of obligation. The more I learn, the more I embrace the dojo, and the more of Sensei’s time I take up, the more weight is added to my shoulders. The longer I’m there, the deeper down the well I go… and the smaller the light at the entrance becomes.

If I don’t get out now, I might never be able to. If I don’t get out now, I might soon find myself having to teach something I’m not sure I’ll ever truly understand. If I don’t get out now, I’ll probably end up teaching watered down waza, disgracing the name of Miyagi-sensei, and ruining an entire new generation of karateka. I should just quit while I’m ahead.

But… I can’t. It’s already too late. I’m already in too deep. I can’t leave something that’s become so much a part of who I am… something that I’ve come to love so deeply.

What am I getting myself into?

In Which the Dojo is Still My Second Home:

The black belt testing has begun.

… It’s awesome.

It’s actually kind of strange, since the test does all kinds of weird things to my training. Some days, I feel like I’m being tested myself, and, other days, I’ll spend half the class sitting in seiza. I like it, actually, since it adds another layer of unpredictability to class. Although, I imagine it’s probably a bit confusing for my kouhai.

It reminds me of one aikido class I attended a few months back… One of the highest kyu students was asked to demonstrate a bunch of techniques while the rest of us watched. At the time, I felt kind of like it was a waste. “Why are we using class time for this?” I hope that’s not how my kouhai feels. I hope he enjoys watching the testing as much as I do.

I feel like I’m being given a little bit more responsibility in the dojo lately. Well… maybe “responsibility” isn’t quite the right word. I guess what I mean is that l think Sensei is asking more of me during class. I might just be imagining things, though. He’s probably just been asking me to do things consistent with my level the entire time.

I do feel more like I’m part of the dojo community lately, though. I’ve definitely been hanging out with Sensei after class more often, at least. Now the he’s discovered that I’m fairly competent with computers, I seem to be his “go to” person for technology questions. Unfortunately, this also means that his computer-related opinions are starting to influence me… which just culminated today in me buying a MacBook for way over my budget.

Sensei has become such a huge influence in my life… and I don’t just mean because he told me which laptop to buy, or because he left giant (and I’m not lying) bruises on my arms from ude tanren. I wonder if he realizes.

x-posted to muchimi

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Wow... It's really been forever.

I don't really know what happened.  I just suddenly... didn't feel like updating anymore.  It's funny, because a lot of very important things have happened in my martial life since I last posted...  I sparred all class for the first time, and didn't feel like a total idiot.  I went to my first "seminar" and expanded my idea of what martial arts and artists can be.  I went out for drinks with some of my senior, senior senpai and started to feel more like a real member of the dojo.  I got a new enthusiastic kouhai, (and took forever showing him how to tie his obi)!

I guess part of the reason why I haven't been posting is because I no longer have that bursting need to describe everything that happens at my dojo to everyone I know... I guess now that I have other outlets, like my dojo-mates and other friends interested in the arts, I don't feel as lonely in my obsession.  That's probably what it all boils down to.  I post when I'm lonely... and I've been lonely an awful lot this year.  Maybe it's getting better...?

Another reason I haven't been posting is because I kind of want to change the format of my posts.  Instead of just being a record of my training, I'd like to make them more like a series of essays on being a beginning karateka.  I mean, who wants to just read "Today we did elbow strikes!"  "Today we did knee strikes!"  "Today we did sanchin!" over and over again?  Of course, class is different every day, so it's not like any of my entries would be exactly the same... but by continuing to write the way I've been writing, I'm really sucking a lot of the depth out of my experiences.  My dojo, the people in it, and the experiences I have there are so much more than a list of events that I feel extremely shallow presenting them as such.

You know?

Wow... It's been a long time.  I skipped three whole days of posting!  Don't worry, though.  Even though I missed class by accident on Wednesday, I made sure to go on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday! I'm going to try to make this a short entry, since I'm obviously getting a bit tired of relating every little thing that happens in class... but it'll probably end up long anyway.

I've been down again this week, which is probably one of the reasons why I haven't felt much like posting.  People are really starting to pick up on it, though, especially D-san.  I need to try to snap out of it...

Oh!  I went to the doctor to get my knees checked out! Apparently, I suffer from patella subluxation (partial kneecap dislocation) and joint hypermobility syndrome (I'm too flexible)! Whee~

What does that mean? That means that I'm going to have to get knee braces fitted, start taping my ankles, and do a hell of a lot of toning to strengthen my joints. Apparently, being too flexible is not a good thing, and just makes me more likely to get injured. The doctor basically said that if someone put me in a violent armbar, my arm would just snap in half.

He also told me I'm the most flexible woman he's ever seen. But, how was I supposed to know ankles aren't supposed to move like that? It's all I've ever known.

Sensei's all proud of himself because he "diagnosed" me correctly. In other words, one time, a few months ago, he called me "Gumby." (Yes, apparently that was a diagnosis.) "The doctor told her what I told her months ago~" he said to the class Thursday, looking all proud.

I need to start being careful... Sensei might be right about other things too... like when he called me "slimy"... Could that mean that I have some kind of weird slime disease???

L-san told me that he passed a crash on the highway and saw a girl on a cellphone that looked like me.  He said he was worried.  I thought that was sweet.

Lots of kata for the brown belt boys on Thursday.  Good for me... extremely tiring for them.

Today, H-san asked Sensei if he could have a heavier chiishi. (Nice!) Sensei just made him use two instead. "You are Higaonna!" he said.

Thursday was muchimi themed! So there was a lot of sanchin, a lot of kakie, and a lot of other muchimi-related things. We even did kakie in the dark.

Friday was mawashi geri themed. We did basic mawashi geri, and then mixed it up a bit and did a bunch of fakes. Mawashi geri that looks like it's going to be a heel kick... mawashi geri that looks like it's going to be a front kick... mawashi geri from the ground... mawashi geri at multiple heights. I think my form really improved.

And, today, we did lots more sanchin. Actually, I guess today's class was a bit like a mix of the rest of the week. We did sanchin with our eyes closed once. That was fun. It's weird not looking at it in the mirror, though. I wonder what my form looked like.

My mawashi uke is getting much better!

S-san came back today, after about a month of being gone. I'm glad. He's such a nice guy.

Well, that's enough for now. Back with more soon!

x-posted at muchimi

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The feel of cool air on my bare skin is beautiful.  The night sky is beautiful.  Each and every smile I saw today was beautiful.  The world is absolutely beautiful.

I seem to be a little more cheerful today, no?

Today was the best day that I've had in a very long time.  The school I used to hate working at last year seemed like a much brighter place this afternoon... Probably because I got to make two terrified little girls laugh.  I really think I'm going to like those two...  You know, I used to despise kids.  I wonder what happened.

In karate news, since that's what we're all here for, today's class went fantastically.  I didn't perform particularly well or anything, and my kata were atrocious, but I still left feeling like I was on top of the world.

The dojo was packed today.  Why is it that large classes always manage to so beautifully foster that mysterious and addictive brand of groupthink that forces people to push well beyond their usual limitations?

Today's class had a number of highlights.  Some of the best included having shime performed on me during sanchin for the first time, seeing a whole room of people do my favorite kata, and, yet again, answering lots of questions that are well above my rank requirements.  <3

But, by far, the best part of today was watching H-san, D-san, and L-san officially enter the final stretch on their road to black belt.  Their month-long test seems like it has officially begun, and today's class marked the first time that all three got a taste of what their final test is going to feel like.  Classes lately have been difficult, and the vibe in the dojo has been changing... becoming more intense, and more exciting... but, until now, no one had been asked to push himself quite this hard...

A black belt test at my dojo is very organic... almost like a living thing... and it's been really thrilling to watch so far.  I feel honored to be able to participate.

The other big news of the day is that my mother came to watch the end of class today for the first time.  She'd never been in the dojo before, and really had no idea what I did there.  And... I think she was slightly terrified by the hoards of sweaty, heavily breathing men making serious faces and kicking at one another.

It's kind of a shame that she didn't get to see me do all that much, since the focus of the class was on the brown belts, but it was also kind of nice that she chose today, since she got to see a really exciting example of what class can be like.  I think she now has a better idea of why I find it so damn intoxicating.

After class, Mom and I spoke to Sensei for a while, and she told him all the nice things I say about him at home.  I would have been embarrassed, but I guess I just genuinely want him to know all of those things anyway.

I think Sensei smiled at me more than usual today... and not just awkward, break-the-tension-in-my-class smiles, but real, heartfelt, lots-of-eye-contact smiles.

But, I'm probably imagining things.  :p

It's raining today.  It doesn't make me sad, though.  I like how it's falling down so straight and evenly... no wind.  Just pure rain.  I wonder why I prefer it that way.

Why do I care so much about karate?  Why is it so important to me?  Why do I spend hours each day thinking about it... talking about it... writing about it... obsessing over it?  What is it that draws me in?  Why am I willing to sacrifice so much for it?  Am I compensating for something?

Class today was fun... Answered some questions, flung around a chiishi, did some sanchin.  H-san's father came back after a hiatus.  He's a yellow belt, like me.  Seems like a nice man.

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By the way, I've started x-posting these entries at muchimi.com.  After a while, I might start posting full entries there, and summaries here... And, I've been thinking of publishing a webcomic there.  We'll see.

I met another black belt today!  (Another C-san!  This is going to get confusing.)  It seems like a ton of people are coming back to class after long hiatuses, and I'm absolutely thrilled about it.  When old students come back, I get to meet new people, but class can just continue as usual.  No "breaking in" of kouhai has to occur, and I get the benefit of training with people with a lot of experience.

I know I sound pretty selfish saying that, and I really  do feel badly about it.  Unfortunately, it's just how I feel.  I love being the enthusiastic kouhai.  I love having no pressure on me.  I love being complimented for acheiving, and being excused for screwing up.  I love being teacher's pet.  The idea of new students just scares me.  What if they're much better than I am, and have much more natural talent?  What if they're cuter?  What if they know more Japanese?  (Clearly, I'm dealing with general insecurity issues here.)

Sensei's been pushing me to act more freely lately, but I'm not really making much progress with it.  Today, he tried to get us to do some freestyle moves based off of sanchin.  He talked on and on about it, and gave tons of ideas, ("This could be an arm bar."  "Try this likea  boxer."  "Try this like you're doing uechi ryu.") but I just stood there frozen while everyone else waved their hands around and made stuff up.  Yesterday, he had me lead kokyu undo, which scared the hell out of me... And, of course, all the heavy bag stuff we've been doing lately...  It's all very stressful.

By the way, just a note to everyone... Yes,  I have been depressed lately, but it's not about my training at all.  Training is the one thing that makes me really happy lately, no matter how badly I do.  So, when I talk about where I need improvement, please don't think I'm being too hard on myself.  That's just what happens when you're a super perfectionist like I am.

As far as what we did in class today, (since I guess I should mention that,) we basically did hojo undo.  Chiishi, tan, kongoken.  I love that stuff, even though I totally suck at it.  I guess I just love pain.

I'm writing these things later and later at night... It's getting to be a bit ridiculous.

Today, I woke up at 5:00 PM.  It's amazing how screwed up my schedule can get when I don't set my alarm.  My body just seems to run on 48 hour days... 24 hours of sleep, 24 hours of awake time.  I kid you not.  This is how I would naturally sleep if left to my own devices.  Anyway, when I woke up today, I basically just had time to get ready for class, and head out the door.

Remember back a number of entries when I said that I always seem to know when we're going to have a gi-top-off sanchin day?  Well, I was wrong.  I had that feeling before class today... but there was no sanchin.  However!  We did take our tops off for something else!  I guess what I really have is just a nakedness sixth sense of some sort.  Hmm...

I realized, today, that explaining doing sanchin without a gi top to a non-martial artist is absolutely impossible.  What it basically boils down to is, "We take our shirts off, breathe really loud, and watch ourselves making muscles in the mirror."  Of course, there's a lot more to sanchin, but when you really don't have much time to explain it, or you're talking to someone who really doesn't care, that's what ends up coming out.

So, we started off class today (after warming up, of course) by taking our gi tops off, and doing some chiishi work.  I swear, the chiishi at school are so much heavier than the one I made.  I'm glad I put (what I thought was) too much cement into mine, because otherwise it would be much too light.  The ones at school, however, are way too heavy for me.  I can do some of the exercises fairly well, but when I have to roll the chiishi up and around my shoulder, I can barely move the thing.  My left arm is especially useless, and I always have to support the chiishi with my right hand, to make sure my left arm doesn't snap in half.  I'm not even sure which muscles that movement uses.  What's weak?  Is it my forearm?  My shoulder? My wrist?   A combination of things?  Whatever it is, it looks like I'm really going to have to start taking advantage of the fact that I actually own a chiishi, and start using it as much as possible.

Speaking of taking gi tops off, I noticed today that B-san has a tattoo down his back that reads "bushido."  I thought that was pretty cool.  It looked like he had another tattoo on his arm, but I didn't get a good look at it.  I try not to stare at people in class when they're half naked, you know.  I'm always amazed by how in shape everyone at my dojo is, though, and sometimes it's hard not to admire them.  A lot of people there look very thin in normal clothes (including Sensei) and a few look rather stocky... but, well... they're really all quite well built.  I'm both kind of proud and kind of disappointed that I'm probably in the worst shape of almost anyone at my dojo.

I guess the theme of today was grabbing.  After working with the chiishi, the more advanced students did seiyunchin <3 and we practiced intercepting a jab by grabbing the sleeve.  I... definitely don't have very good timing when it comes to that.  I couldn't even get a good grip on anyone when they basically held their arms still for me.  Besides that, when we were supposed to grab our partners, step to the side, and do a roundhouse kick to their face, I could never seem to step back properly.  It's weird because I feel like I've definitely done that better in the past... just like the techniques we were doing yesterday.

I started out class in a terrible mood today, and D-san noticed right away.  He then told me to snap out of it, because when I walk over the threshold onto the training floor, I'm supposed to forget all of my troubles and focus on training.  I guess I must look pretty pitiful sometimes.  During class, I felt much better, of course... but, when I left, I just got depressed again.  It just hasn't been a good year... not a good year at all.

When I osu'ed Sensei and B-san goodbye, and started up the stairs, Sensei started calling to me, "L-san! L-san! Wait!" and jogged over to the door.  He then told me again to call up his doctor to see about my knees.  I thought that was sweet.

Today was my first day back to class since last Friday... and, let me tell you, I really needed it.  When I entered the dojo, it was like coming home... and, when I left, it felt like leaving it again...

I was met by the sight of about a dozen new, black, tatami-style mats today.  They really complement the green mats we already have, and help tie the whole look of the dojo together (as well as provide more mat space for ukemi and hojo undo, obviously.)  Sensei was annoyed that they were scuffing so easily, but I thought they still looked lovely.

Two brown belts that never show up on Wednesdays decided to show up today, giving class a slightly different feel than usual.  A usual Wednesday is just a small classes of beginners.

If I had to choose a theme for today, it would be "flowing."  To work on this concept, we did sensitivity training in shikodachi, and then worked off of it, doing two techniques that require ukemi.  One technique, which we've done before, was catching a mawashi geri (roundhouse kick,) stepping in, and sweeping the tori.  The other, (which I think we've also done before, although less often,) starts by blocking a hook punch to the head with a hiki uke (hook block,) then snaking your arm over the tori's shoulder and under his leg, forcing him into a roll.

I often have trouble with flowing, at least in a karate setting.  I'll start a technique tentatively, glance at Sensei, do slightly more of the technique, think for a moment and cock my head to the side, continue the technique...  This is a problem, not only because it affects the way that I spar and do kata, but because it means that I'm a bad partner for drills.  I slow the class down.  I sometimes jerk on my joint locks, rather than doing them slowly and smoothly.  It makes me feel terribly guilty.

Sensei actually giggled at me today, which I found both amusing and slightly embarrassing.  Apparently, my attempts to demonstrate flow in a freestyle way are actually laughable.  He came to me a number of times and demonstrated, and I was able to follow along, but everything fell apart when I was given free reign.

Sensei described watching me as being like helping a child learn to ride a bicycle.  I guess he meant that I fell off.

Some other advice he gave to me today... If I screw up a technique, and don't do it exactly in a kihon way, follow through anyway.  Take that thing I do with my shoulders when I'm confused, and do it when I'm being attacked instead.  And, finally, ice my knees, just to see if it does anything.  Will do, Sensei.

Other thoughts:

• Today, I answered a bunch of unusual vocabulary questions during class, including the words "getabako" and "noren."  I translated them all slightly differently than Sensei seems to understand them, though.
• Lately, I've been worried that my attitude towards my kouhai resulted in her not showing up for the last few weeks.  I hope it's just that she's been on vacation, and not that I seemed rude the last time I saw her.  I was awfully quiet that day.
• I hope I don't drop my chiishi on my computer.
• A year ago I was in Urumqi...  This tugs at my heart.

Ai ya!  Another record!  I haven't posted on here in... 4 days?  That's two whole days of karate class, plus time this weekend training with my friend.  Freaky, huh?

Unfortunately, when I don't post every day, I forget a lot.  But, I'll try my best to remember, since I know you all enjoy reading about me so much.  (Why that is, I have no idea.)

Let's see... Thursday was... Thursday... I think I had a good class.  I honestly forget what we did... Think, think, think... Who the heck showed up? Ohhh!!  I remember now!  On Thursday, we sparred all class!  Yeah... how could I forget that?

I guess I did fairly decently.  Or, actually... I did horribly.  But, I did better than I've done before, and that's all that matters.  I think very linearly during sparring, unfortunately, so I tend to just back up to the wall a lot when defending.  My partner will always just push into me until I get close to the office, and then ease off and let me walk forward until we reach the middle of the room again.  (It looks pretty lame.)  That is, except for B-san.  B-san just wails into me (gently and kindly) until I curl into a fetal position and try to drift off to the side.  Watching me fight must be pretty funny.

I honestly can't remember too much else about class on Thursday.  Mostly, I just tried my best to punch and kick people a lot, while not oozing spit from the hole in my mouthguard.  After class, we talked more about those crazy parties the dojo seemed to always have in the 80's... I'm starting to feel nostalgic for them, even though I was never there.

Also, the feeling of taking off your headgear after sparring is so kimochi.

Friday's class was also fun.  Since it was Labor Day weekend, and class was canceled on Saturday and Monday, more people than usual showed up.  It was me, V-san, K-san, and C-san.  All I remember about that class was trying to bob and weave around a padded stick...

Oh, wait... I recall now...  Yes... Friday was extremely challenging for me.

Basically, we did heavy bag work the whole day, focusing on specific punches, blocks, and kicks.  This is all well and good, except that I still suck at anything where I'm required to act freely.  I just can't seem to be very creative or flowing, especially when someone (Sensei) is watching me.  I overthink everything.  It's weird, because when I'm screwing around and wrestling with a friend or something, I have very little trouble finding openings or moving naturally...  When it becomes "sparring," though, something freezes me up.

Sensei told me on Friday, "You can do a lot more than you think you can."

One of my friends mentioned that the way I talk about Sensei, he sounds like a walking parable.  I guess I'm just good at taking things out of context and making them sound wise.  Not that I don't think Sensei gives good advice.  It's just that I sometimes take offhand comments a little more seriously than I think he means them.  It's just like Sensei says... People constantly misunderstand one another's meanings... Advice is taken as insults... Neutral comments are taken as compliments...  (There I go with the walking parable thing again~)

Then, late Friday, my friend (from the internet) came to visit.  He does goju also, so I actually got to see some real-life goju outside of the context of my dojo, which was awesome.  Having kata at your command is fantastic.  Totally better than waiting and hoping that Sensei decides to have the class do one.  Plus, I got to see a bunch of kata I never get to see at my dojo, since so few people are high enough in rank to know them.  And, since he does a few other styles, I got to see their forms as well.  Awesome.  <3

We trained for a number of hours on Saturday, but that's basically all.  I learned some techniques that he's learned that aren't in my curriculum, which was cool, including a judo throw and a kata w/ bunkai.  I can't quite remember how the whole kata goes, but I think I have the basic pattern mostly down now.  The footwork trips me up for some reason.

I'm thinking of going to a tui na practitioner for my knees.  But, first I'm going to go to my regular doctor to see what he has to say.  That way, I'll be able to tell the tui na guy, "The doctor says that I have this problem.  What do you recommend?"  My doctor might recommend laying off my legs for a while, but that's because he won't understand that I need to do karate.  The tui na guy is also a kung fu sifu, though, so I think he'll understand.

Well, that entry was actually shorter than I thought it might be.  I'm impressed.  I guess it's just that I waited so long to write anything that I forgot all the gory details.  Sad...

Today's karate class was extremely low-key, as only C-san and I showed up.  Basically, we ran through the kata we both know (stance kata, kihon dai ichi, dai ni, dai san, and sanchin) and Sensei critiqued them.  Once again, Sensei ended up talking about sanchin for over an hour, describing, in detail, the correct placement of every part of our bodies, the correct way to tense each muscle, the way each part of us should feel during each part of the kata, and even the way we should think while doing it.  Hilarious anecdotes were not in short supply.  Someday, I'll write all of that down.

A few entries back, I mentioned a few reasons why Sensei doesn't use patches at our school.  Apparently, it's more complicated than that.  Today, he told us the story of how he used to have to change his patch so often that it just got ridiculous, and he gave them up entirely.  One example:  Once, he was told that he needed a particular patch to train with a particular teacher, so he bought a number of high-quality, expensive patches that looked nice, and would hold up well.  When he finally got to the dojo he was visting, however, he was told, "Uh... we're not using that teacher's patch anymore..."

Sensei said that a student of Bruce Lee (I don't know who) would wear a circle that represented nothingness, and that he liked the concept, but, "if you're going to wear something that represents nothingness, why not just wear nothing?"  Can't argue with that.

I got to hear a little more about Sensei's lineage today, which was neat.  I knew that he had studied with a number of teachers, but was never really sure how they were related to one another.  By the way, karate politics are totally ridiculous.  (And, did you know that "politics" can be followed by either a singular or plural verb?  The more you know~)

My ankle keeps cracking weirdly... and as fun as it is to be able to make a loud, snapping sound come out of my foot, I hope it goes away soon.  My knees seem pretty much healed, and the crackling has quieted down.  Currently holding my breath.

My yellow belt is finally starting to look cool.  It has just the right amount of bounce, without sticking up too much.  I hope it stays this shape.  It also doesn't smell like cement anymore, thankfully...

I think today was my 89th karate class  How shall I celebrate my 100th?

Class is canceled this Saturday and Monday for Labor Day weekend, but it's okay, since I'm having a karate friend come and visit.  Still, I wish I could go to class.  (Sometimes I forget that teaching is actually Sensei's job, and not just a hobby, and that he probably doesn't want to work every day.)

Sensei recommended this book:  http://www.budomall.com/product_info.php/products_id/350  but $100 is a bit steep for a girl with a crappy job, like me...  Anyone want to sell me a copy for cheap?  And, speaking of books, does anyone have copies of any of the books in Higaonna's "Traditional Karatedo" series?  I'd love to buy them, but they're awfully rare and expensive...

And one question:  I train in the dojo (and at home) barefoot, but I'd like to start training more outside.  I can go barefoot in my yard, but I'd also like to pick up some martial arts shoes, in case I want to train the the park or something. Something that has a little more give than sneakers, and feels a little more natural.  Any recommendations?

I've been down a lot lately, and today wasn't really any better.  Work today was horribly tedious, and I'm dealing with all kinds of depressing issues.  This year sucks.

Naturally, I felt better during karate, but even that didn't cheer me up the way it usually does.  D-san even asked, "What's wrong with you?" at the end of class.  I guess I must have looked too serious.  Usually, I smile and laugh a lot during class, but, today, I just put my all into trying to do exactly what Sensei told me to do.  On the positive side, I think I can do a pretty good backfist now.

It was a small Monday class... Only Sensei, three kyu, and two senior black belts showed up.  I hope more people start showing up again, now that summer is coming to an end.  I'm really trying to figure out ways to promote the school and get more students, but I can't think of anything...

Did I tell you that one of the fathers that watches class on Saturday actually asked me, "Don't you have vacation?"  Seriously, dude, I only see you once a week, and you're making fun of me for going to class too often too?? What the heck!?

Anyway, class was pretty varied today.  We did a slightly different warm-up than usual, and a number of different conditioning exercises that we don't typically do.  For example, Sensei had J-san hold my feet, and had me walk around on my hands.  (Somehow, this was supposed to improve our hiki uke.)  We did some kata... We did seiyunchin bunkai... We did tettsui uchi and uraken uchi...

D-san was put on the spot a ton today.  He had to do a bunch of kata on his own, answer a lot of questions,  and do gekisai sandan gi with each other person in the class one by one.  Sensei is definitely starting to prepare him for his black belt test...

In our school, I've heard that a black belt test actually begins 2-3 months before the official test date.  I'm not too sure about the details, though, since the whole thing seems to be a bit of a secret.  All I know is, training gets really hard for a while... You have to write some kind of essay... and then, on your test day, you have to spar for a good hour and a half, do kata, talk about the history of goju ryu...  I think that the test day itself is mostly about showing spirit.

I really can't wait to see D-san and H-san's black belt tests.  I wonder if they'll be tested together, since they're close in rank.

Sensei had a silly idea the other day... He said that he should have D-san fight his way to the top of the dojo building, kind of like a video game.  He'd start in the basement with the lower kyu ranks... then have to work his way up the stairs in the dark, watching his back as higher belts jumped out at him one by one... Finally, he'd reach the attic, and Sensei would be sitting there wearing goggles, Apocalypse Now-style, and say to him, sinisterly, "Ah, I see you've reached the top..."

Personally, I think that's an amazing and hilarious idea.  The only problem would be that I wouldn't get to watch anyone else spar.  Boo.

Also, I wanted to clarify what I meant when I was complaining about Olympic TKD a few entries ago.  I wasn't saying that I wanted everyone to be doing spectacular kicks and knock-outs.  Obviously, that would be unrealistic.  What I was saying was that I was expecting a little more variety in technique.  Everyone was fighting exactly the same way, and I hardly saw anyone throw a punch at all.  Where was the personal flair?  Where was the the "kwon?

Blah... I'm waiting until too late to write these things lately.  I need to make this short, so I can get to sleep.

Today, I went to a normal class for the first time since my knees started acting weird.  (Well, yesterday was a normal class too, but it was really low-key.)  My knees held up fairly well, and I had no pain afterwards, although they're a bit tight right now.  That could be from walking around the mall later in the day, though...  I'm still keeping a close eye on them, and hoping for a full recovery.

Today's class focused on timing.  If you read my blog with any regularity, you'll know that I'm not particularly fond of timing, since it involves hitting the speed bag... and I suck at hitting the speed bag.  I have good rhythm when it comes to music, and the timing of my kata isn't bad (I think,) but I just can't ever seem to hit the damn speed bag properly.  I guess I'm just not fast enough, or my hand-eye coordination isn't good enough yet.  By the end of class, I was a bit looser, and I think I had improved a bit, but who knows?

V-san dropped the chain from the heavy bag on the floor today, after Sensei told him not to.  So, Sensei made us all do push ups.  He told us it was because it's important to learn to listen, and not because he's anal about the floor... but I know it was really just because he's anal about the floor.  :)

My sanchin kata is improving, as well as my mawashi uke.  I am glad about this.  Maybe I'll get gekisai soon.

I ran through a pretty good kihon dai san today without messing up any of the movements.  I am also glad about this.  J-san, a black belt, complimented me on it.

Really small class for a Saturday today...  The kids class was small too.  I really need to think of some way to get more people to join the dojo.  Anyone in the area interested in an awesome goju school?

I'm still worried about my knees... so I'll probably see a doctor next week.  For now, though, I can't skip any more karate classes.  Skipping just kills me.

Today, class was really low key.  Maybe I'm just self-centered, but I think that Sensei deliberately made it so, because of my knees.  We didn't even do a normal warm-up today... we just started out with sanchin, and worked on it for the whole class.  For those who don't know, sanchin is a slow-moving kata that uses focused breathing and dynamic tension.  There are only four steps in the whole thing, and they're all sliding steps.  Your knees basically stay in the same position the entire time, besides sinking down and rising about an inch in one part.

I sometimes wonder if my obsession with Sensei is unhealthy.  Today, during class, he counted to 11 in Japanese, and I actually thought to myself, "Wow, I've never heard Sensei count to 11 before... Cool..."  And, I do wonder fairly often whether he thinks I'm cute...

You know, it's a really horrible idea to write this here... so, I'm going to stop now.  :/

Miss me?  I actually haven't written an entry since Monday.  I think that's a record.

First of all, I just want to say this:  Olympic TKD is ridiculous.  And, I don't mean that in a good way.  Is it really necessary to kiai like a maniac EVERY FREAKING TIME YOU MOVE?  It sounds especially ridiculous with the lower weight classes, since the women have such high voices.  Also, I'm really disappointed in the lack of variety of technique...  I feel like all anyone is ever doing is just standing constantly in the same stance and doing the same kicks over and over again... (and screaming.)

Okay, now that I got that out...

So, the reason I haven't written in a long time is because I had... a bit of an injury...  About two weeks ago, my knees started clicking when I walked down the stairs.  Since then, and especially after my test last week, my knees and lower thighs started to feel really tight, and I was having trouble standing up and sitting down.  I figured that I just overworked the muscles, and that they were sore, so I continued to train as usual, thinking that I'd adapt, and my muscles would loosen up.  But, on Tuesday, I felt worse than ever.  Still no pain... Just an intense feeling of pressure.

Late in the day, my mom looked at my legs and said, "... Are your knees swollen?"  And, yes, they were.

By that time, I was freaking out a bit... I couldn't figure out what was wrong, especially since the swelling was in both knees equally, and especially since there was still no pain.  I took a diuretic, which seemed to alleviate some of the pressure, and took some Advil in case there was any inflammation.  I also decided to rest and skip two karate classes - Wednesday, when I just stayed home and ate dinner with my brother, and today, when I went, but sat in the foyer and just watched.  (It's really hard to just watch...  They were doing gekisai bunkai today... Like, the full waza... *sigh*)

My legs are much better, and I don't notice anything when I'm not paying attention to them... so I'm going to attend class tomorrow and see whether they swell up again with the activity.  If they do, I guess I'll have to go to a doctor... *sigh*  I'm really hoping I don't have to do that.

If I have to get some kind of surgery (which seems unnervingly common for clicking knees) and can't go to karate anymore, I think I'm going to have a breakdown.

In happier news, I still got to hang around the dojo today after class.  It was funny... At one point, D-san and A-san start picking on me again about coming to class so often, and I complained about it to Sensei: "Months ago, they said it was GREAT that I come to class 5 times a week, and that they'd LOVE to come so often... but NOW, it's all, 'Get a life~ Go to the shore~ Go out and get a job~'" etc. etc.  Meanwhile, D-san and A-san were both talking to him at the same time, trying to convince him that they weren't picking on me.

Despite being totally different ages, the three of us act like siblings.

I actually can't think of much to say today, so I'll just give a little rundown of class.

I met a new black belt today -- another guy that just returned from an extended hiatus.  It's nice that all of these people are coming back, since I think Sensei's been worried about having too few students, but I kind of wish there were more new people.  As much as I don't like to be shown up by kouhai, I want the school to survive.

Class started out with sanchin kata, which I performed mediocrely.  (Apparently, spellcheck doesn't like that word.)  I don't really understand how to do the mawashi uke part, and I know my breathing was terrible.

Then, the others all did gekisai dai ichi, and we did the sandan gi drill that goes with it.  I'm definitely better at sandan gi now, which is nice.  I don't always feel like I'm falling behind, even though I'm still probably the slowest at it.

After that, we did foot sweeps for a while.  My form is terrible when I'm just shadowboxing, but when I'm kicking the heavy bag, or working with a person, I think I do fairly well.  Sensei also had us bounce to the beat of a metronome, and try to do the foot sweep off rhythm.  Yeah... I'm not so good at that.  Clearly, timing isn't my thing.

Finally, we sparred a bit.  I get very flustered during sparring, and kind of laugh nervously all the time.  (Or, maybe it's out of shame. Heh.)  I also have a bad habit of just trying to avoid being hit by continually backing up.  So, sparring with me looks a bit too linear...  One time, Sensei put up his arm behind me, and told me I wasn't allowed to go that way anymore.  Added to the fact that I never block with the correct hand, and the fact that I won't attack unless Sensei literally tells me, "Okay, now punch.  Now, kick.  Now do a combination," sparring really seems unnatural to me.

Today, my mother asked me, "How much sparring do you need to do to be a black belt?"  It almost made me cry, thinking of how far I have to go.

Can you tell I'm feeling a bit down today?

Here I am writing a third entry for the homepage... Ah well.  I'm not going to hold back just because of that!

As usual, today's karate class was a wonderful time.

I wonder if I'll ever have a karate class that I won't enjoy...  The way it's been going, it seems unlikely, but things do happen.  I guess maybe if I did really badly one day, it might throw me off... or, I guess if someone got hurt  *knock on wood*  that would ruin a class.  It's also possible, given my fickle nature, that I'll actually eventually tire of karate, get bored, and stop enjoying it as much...  I hope that never happens.

Honestly, one of my biggest fears lately is having something happen to Sensei... whether it's him getting injured, or just him deciding to retire.  I don't know what I'd do without him...

Anyway, why did I start talking about depressing things?  Back to class!

Today, we worked on sanchin kata again!  C-san was just learning it today, and I continued learning it from yesterday.  I always feel really stupid doing sanchin - partly because it's just kind of a funny-looking kata, and partially because not doing it right looks even funnier.

Speaking of worrying about how I look (not that that's what I'm really concerned with when doing sanchin) I hate that I feel like I have to wear makeup in class.  (In this case, I'm talking about makeup to cover my bad skin, not to "look pretty.")  In Gaku Homma's book, "Aikido Sketch Diary," he makes a comment that you shouldn't wear makeup in the dojo, because it just gets all over everyone else's gi... which is true.  When I was still wearing my beginner gi, I never thought it was a problem, but now that I wear the heavyweight one, I've noticed that my makeup is starting to stain my collar...  and since I'm so fond of a sharp-looking, white gi, this is very distressing.  I also know that it's just plain dumb to wear makeup when you're exercising, and I know that the people in my dojo aren't going to judge me on my bad skin or anything... but I can't help it.  I feel too self-conscious without it.  I wish I could be stronger in this respect.

So... er... back to class again.

There are so many things to think about while doing sanchin that I get kind of overwhelmed doing it.  Sensei spent nearly all class explaining the feeling we should have in each part of our body during different parts of sanchin.  (Toes apart and gripping the floor... arch pushed down... heel and big toe in contact with the floor when stepping, etc. etc.)  Even the breathing (especially the breathing?) is more complicated than I thought.  I just can't seem to be able to inhale for long enough... and how the heck do you get better at inhaling?

In other news, sanchin is working muscles that definitely don't get used that often... My legs are still sore like they haven't been in months, and my lats are killing me.  I want a massage SO BADLY.

Sensei was sweet today.  Since I was clearly not popping up from seiza the way I usually do, (since my legs hurt,) he told me at the end of class, "Get better."  My first thought was actually, "Huh?  Get better at what?"  But, then I realized what he meant.  It also seems like he's humoring me and letting me stay after class a little big longer than usual lately... but it could just be my imagination.  I've made it fairly obvious that I could just stand around the dojo for hours.

I've been thinking about self-discipline a lot lately...

It's a trait that I find extremely attractive in others, and would love to improve in myself.  From my ex-boyfriend, who I could leave for just seconds, but always find with his nose in a textbook upon my return... to many of the friends I've made through martial arts, who are able to control their desire to eat junk food, and train for hours and hours a day, just because...   I've always been extremely jealous of, but extremely drawn to those types of people...

I guess I feel like, if I were just a little more like them, I might have made something of myself by now.  But, I think it's deeper than that... I think it also just demonstrates a sort of mental strength that I find really magnetic.  Some girls are into strong bodies, (which I also appreciate, of course,) but I'm more into strong minds, I guess.

Anyway, it's just a thought

Yay!  The site's back...  I hate when it goes down for an evening.

So, today I was taught sanchin kata!!  I'd like to say I "learned" it, but I think it's going to be a while before I can say that and really mean it...

For those of you unfamiliar with goju ryu karate, sanchin kata is our "simplest," but most important, form.  It has the least movement of any goju kata (and possibly any kata of any style...) but is incredibly draining and difficult to master.  More so than in any other kata, you have to pay attention to being perfectly grounded, breathing perfectly, and keeping pretty much every muscle in your body tensed for the entirety of the form.  it's one heck of a ride... and a totally different experience than the kihon kata I know.  Look it up on Youtube!

When I woke up this morning, my legs were a little tense, as they've been a lot recently (probably from a lot of kicking-heavy classes) but nothing out of the ordinary.  I was honestly a little disappointed, since I figured that meant I didn't try hard enough on my test.  After class, though... I started to feel it.  And, right now, I can barely move my lower body.  I'm so tense, I literally can't bend my knees all the way, and everything from my calves to my butt is completely sore.

I wonder if the aftermath of my test just came a bit late, or if doing sanchin just pushed me over the edge...

...

Wait... it just hit me.  I learned a kata... I learned a real kata!!  Like, a real, real one!  Not just something designed for beginners, but a real, honest-to-goodness, official, designed-by-Miyagi goju kata!  :D  I feel like a real student now!

In other news...

I've always wondered why students at our dojo don't wear any patches.  (If you look at my recent promotion photos, you'll notice that my gi is just plain white.  Sensei's too.)  Nearly every other school seems to require one, if not many.  Personally, I think a plain gi looks very classy and humble, but I'm so proud of my school that I definitely wouldn't be opposed to wearing a simple patch with the school logo.  I never bothered asking Sensei about why we didn't have one, but the topic came up the other day after class...

Sensei told me, were his students to compete in tournaments, (which we don't typically do,) he would want them to be looked at as individuals.  He said that at tournaments, if you're wearing a patch with your school, or if your teacher is standing right behind, people will say, "Oh, that's Rohrman's school," or "Oh, that's so-and-so's student" and have preconceived notions or biases.  But, if you're not wearing a patch, people are thrown off.  "Ohh... who's that?"  they say.

Sensei said, if we won a tournament without wearing a patch, he'd be even more proud of us, since we'd have accomplished something in our own right.  It would be our own personal victory, and not just another trophy for the school case.

... I love Sensei

I got promoted!! I got promoted!! I got promoted!!!!!  I'm 7th kyu!!!  (That's a yellow belt.)  I know Sensei said that the first two promotions really don't mean all that much, but... I got promoted!!!  :D :D :D  Tomorrow, I'm going out to dinner to celebrate!

This day was completely awesome.  Not only did I finally get to give Sensei the gift I'd been working on forever, but I passed my yellow belt test too!!  (For those who don't know, kyu tests at my dojo are unannounced, so I didn't know it would be today.)  And, no, I wasn't promoted because I gave Sensei a gift.  :p

Here's how it went...

I arrived at the dojo at the normal time, cradling Sensei's gifts in my hands, making sure I didn't drop anything on the floor... especially the cupcakes, since that would have been a disaster.  I probably never would have gotten promoted, and would have had to do push-ups for an hour.

Alright, so I leave the gifts on the glass case in the lobby, get changed, go out on the floor and warm up, and all that jazz.  The class was bigger than usual today... L, A, D, V, and K-san were there, as well as  the yellow belt (whose name I will learn!!) and the two kouhai (W-san and B-san.)  I'm all pumped, ready to give Sensei his gift after class...

So, Sensei's warm up is a little more intense than usual... I don't think much of it, though.  After all, it's usually a little harder on Thursdays.

For the most part, the class focused on hiza geri, or knee strikes.  The upper level students did saifa to demonstrate, while I sat happily on the side, not suspecting anything...  We also did some blocking of kicks with our shins, using the same kind of movement.  I did... averagely on that part.  Of course, we did other things as well... mawashi geri... some general conditioning...

Finally, when there are about 10 minutes left of class, I notice that some of the other students are taking down the heavy bags... and that can mean only one thing.  Remember back in my last training-related entry when I said I had this horrible feeling that I'd start sparring today...?  Well... I did.  Heh.

Sensei tells everyone that has equipment to go and put it on.  I rush out of the room, since I think putting on my chest guard is going to slow me down... but I'm back in no time.  Of course, I manage to forget my mouth guard, so I have to interrupt everyone to go get it... but, at least putting on my chest guard was quick!

We all bow in a circle.  The higher-ups start sparring on Sensei's command... and D-san sits down with me and tells me the rules of free sparring.  No face, no groin, etc. etc.  I have to admit that I wasn't paying too much attention to what he was saying, since I was kind of freaking out.  I'll have to ask him to clarify later...

We pair up, and Sensei calls me over to work with him.  At first, he has me just follow his movements... going forwards and backwards, reading his intentions.  Then, he has me block his attacks...  and, then, finally, he had me attack.  It's funny... I always throw punches and kicks thinking that they'll connect... and they never do.  There's always this moment when I think to myself, "When I attack, my hand will be there, on his chest," but, then, when I actually punch, my hand will get blocked before I'm even close to hitting... and it always totally blows my mind.  I guess that sounds kind of silly, huh?

So, anyway, then we switch partners, and Sensei watches me, guiding me through similar things I'd done with him.  At this point, it's probably 8:00, and class should be over.  But... it's not.

Before I know it, I'm in front of the whole class, "sparring" with an upper level student.  After a minute or so, he gets switched out... but I'm still up.  I spar again... and my partner gets switched out again.  At this point, I understand: This is a test.  Not only is this my first day sparring... but I'm also being tested...  Holy crap!

After I spar with everyone above my level, Sensei asking me questions along the way, ("What's the word for side kick!?"  "What the name of this style of karate!?"  "What's 'kokoro!?'"  Nothing hard... unless you happen to be in the middle of sparring someone... which I was...) he calls for equipment off... and then calls me up to the middle of the room.  We do stance kata.  We do all three kihon kata, (at which I was totally fail.)  I demonstrate basic twist punch... front kick... elbow strikes, kakie, ude tanren... I can't even remember what else.

Before I knew it, we were doing kokyu undo, and class was nearly over.  Sensei left to go get my new belt, and I struggled to make my shikodachi look halfway decent.

Sensei calls "shugou" and we line up.  We do mokuso... we bow... and I'm called to the front of the room.  Sensei tells me, "You're an excellent student," shakes my hand, and says, "congratulations."  I bow to the class... I bow to Sensei... and go back to my spot.  When we stand, everyone is clapping...  I both hate and love that part of a promotion.  It's so awkward... but it still makes you happy.  I'm sure I was staring at the floor in embarrassment.  Then, everyone gave me a hug, and went to go get changed.

I honestly wish I had tried just a little bit harder on the test.  I was really distracted, today, though.  I was really having trouble focusing.  I don't like the idea of scraping by... so I'll just have to try harder from now on to make up for it.

Anyway, at this point, the fun was just beginning!  (despite already being a half hour later than class is supposed to run.)  I tell Sensei, "Your present!  You have to open your present..."  I won't go into all the details, since this entry has gone on quite long enough already, but, basically everyone shared the cupcakes, and I even managed to get a few photos, which you can see in my album.  V-san nearly ate a little paper cup...

At this point, everyone goes to leave, and I follow Sensei into his office so he can open the main part of the gift -- the little dog in a karate gi.  He was pretty quiet about the whole thing, but told me that he usually likes to open gifts in private, and that, later, he'd probably be playing with the thing, and saying to himself, "Wow!  This is really cool!"  So, I think he liked it, even if he was too shy to really tell me so.

As for the card?  He refused to read it until later, which is perfectly fine.  I think I would have been blushing had he read it in front of me.  Still, I would have liked to see his face...

After the gift, I stuck around a while and we discussed isshin shorinji ryu and school politics.  Then, at around 10:00, someone stopped by (Sensei's friend?  I have no idea,) and Sensei kicked me out.  Ah, well.  All good things must come to an end...  maybe.

Phew!  Well, I'll be back tomorrow with more karate news!  But, for now... I leave you with this thought:

... I GOT PROMOTED! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAAAAAY!!!!!!!

I know you've all been awaiting this "fabulous gift" I've been talking about for weeks now...  and it's finally ready to be revealed!  I just hope Sensei doesn't choose this day to sign up for this site, and ruin his own surprise.  I've even been a little nervous to upload photos to Flickr, since I've shown him photos on my Flickr before... I'm just banking on the assumption that he probably has better things to do on his birthday (today) than look at my photos on the internet!

So, with no further ado, here it is...

Below, you can see a white paper bag, decorated with a ribbon black "obi," and filled with pink tissue paper.  To the right, you can see a cake box and greeting card, decorated with pink, paper flowers, and another, similar "belt."  This one lacks a knot, however.

This entry'll probably take a long time for me to write, since I'm trying to watch the streaming olympic judo matches... but I figured that it would be really late if I started writing afterwards.  Please try to ignore any weird grammar or spelling mistakes.  I'm a bit distracted.  :)

So, today was a REAL Monday class!  By that, I mean that it was extremely tough, and Sensei was being extra demanding -- just the way Mondays should be... just the way I remember them being when I first started.  It was really, really awesome...  Since the two new kouhai joined, classes have been slower, and much more oriented towards basics, so there hasn't been a real "Monday" in a while.  (If my senpai saw me writing that, they'd probably laugh, since I'm sure they feel the same about me.)

Actually, it's kind of silly of me to imply that we didn't do basics today.  Today was VERY basics-oriented.  Sensei flew through all the kihon -- elbow strikes, punches, kicks, blocks...

It actually struck me as a "we're going to start sparring again soon"-themed class.  In fact, one of the things Sensei did was pull us each aside (as the rest of the class was going nuts on the heavy bags,) and had us block his punches, which I've never done before.  Interestingly, we were only supposed to use three kinds of blocks... two of which I've never done before: hiki uke (hook block,) some kind of forearm block, and some kind of ... shuto-looking block.  I just did my best.

I feel like we're going to spar on Thursday... I just have this feeling...  Although, I had the same feeling about today too, so, I could be totally wrong.  Still, I feel like today was supposed to gear me up for starting to spar, (among other things.)  And, actually, for the first time, I felt like I might be able to do it.  I was a little tentative on the heavy bag today, as usual, but when Sensei told us to freestyle some stuff, I didn't have nearly as much trouble as I normally do.  You know, I think I actually might not freak out when I spar for the first time.  I guess we'll see.

Speaking of freaking out... D-san totally freaked me out today.  Sensei came later than usual, so I was waiting outside the dojo for a while before class.  D-san drove up, and got out of his car... and the first thing he said to me, (besides, "You look tired,") was, "... How far are you willing to go for your training?"  I was, like, "WTF?  Does he want me to kill a man or join some secret society or something?"  I answered, "Uh... what?"  He repeated himself, "How far are you willing to go for your training?"  "Uh... fairly far?" I finally said.  I didn't want to promise him anything before I knew what he was talking about, you know?  :)

Anyway, apparently, since his black belt test is coming up in the next 6 months to a year, D-san really wants extra exercise and training time outside of class.  He was hoping I, and a number of other students, would want to train with him on Mondays and Thursdays after class.  I thought it was an awesome idea, although I'm not sure where we'd be able to do it.  He suggested the high school, but I'm not sure we're allowed on the property after dark.  In any case, any chance to train is a good thing.

After class today, I had one of the nicest conversations with Sensei that I think I've ever had.  I'm glad that he feels comfortable telling me personal stories.  It makes me feel... like I belong... or something.

Speaking of which, my mother keeps implying that Sensei and I are friends... but I'm not quite comfortable with that idea, I guess.  I guess I've just never had a teacher or a mentor who I could consider an actual friend, so it's a weird concept for me.  I wonder if Sensei would call me a friend...

Sensei's birthday is this week.  His present is almost complete.  I just need to write up and decorate his card, and bake some cupcakes.  Photos coming soon~  Also, my chiishi is almost done.  I just want to touch it up a little with more cement, and paint it... I don't want to show Sensei until it looks perfect.  (I'm such a loser.)  :)

Happy training, all

What day of the week was it today... Was it Saturday?  Since my summer job ended, I have no concept of time...

So, today was karate!  (as usual!)  Today's class was H-san, V-san, A-san, C-san, B-san, and me.  (Hm... I just realized how different everyone's last name is...)

Before the adult class on Saturday is the kids class.  I usually try to show up a little later than usual, since Sensei always makes early arrivals do really exhausting things... but, today I ended up getting roped into doing something exhausting anyway.  Sensei had us have a "competition" with the kids, to see which class had the better shikodachi.  The losers had to do push-ups, while the winners got to add resistance.  As usual, Sensei made it so that the adults won once, and the kids won once.  So, basically, lots of push-ups, and lots of holding shikodachi for a long time before I was warmed up.  Bleh.

Anyway, moving on to the adult class~

As usual, I was paired with the girl kouhai, B-san, for most of my partner work.  That was fine, since it's nice to help out kouhai, but I got so spoiled by my first three months of training (during which no new students joined, so I was ALWAYS working with a senior student,) that I couldn't help but want to switch partners a little more often...

I wonder why Sensei has me work with her so often.  Maybe it's our relative size?  Or, maybe he knows I probably won't overpower her and hurt her during drills like some of the more senior students might?  Or, maybe he just thinks she could use a female role model?  (Could I even possibly be role model material at this point?)  Hm.

Today's theme was spinning heel kicks, which are extremely awesome!  Unfortunately, I'm awful at them.  At least I didn't fall over during class.  We also worked on roundhouse kicks, as a lead-in for the heel kick.  Those seem to be moving along nicely.  My power and accuracy seem to be steadily improving.

When class was over, Sensei called up the brown belts, (H-san, V-san, and A-san,) to do Shisochin one time and give them advice about it.  I wanted to watch, so I sat down in seiza.  Then, my kouhai sat down.... Then, C-san sat down.  After the kata was done, Sensei said to us, "Class is over, you know."  He then started describing, in great detail, why exactly we were all sitting.  "See, she [me] was thinking, 'I want to learn,' so she sat down to watch... and then she [B-san] didn't want to be left out, since they're good buddies now, so, she sat down.  Then, he [C-san] started worrying, and thinking, 'Did I miss something?  Is class not over?' So, he sat down."

How astute of you, Sensei.  That's pretty much exactly what happened.

After class, I taught B-san how to tie her belt properly.  Hopefully, she'll remember how to do it for next class... and also finally take off that anklet that's stuck to her foot.

When I got out of the dressing room, Sensei and the three brown belts were still chatting, so I hung around and peered out onto the training floor at them until Sensei finally said, "You can come in, you know."  <3

During a conversation about when Sensei was once approached by a guy with a knife, Sensei said that he thought I'd definitely try to protect him if it happened again.  I wonder what that means about how he see me.  Heh...

Oh, and Sensei asked me whether I finished my chiishi, so I better get on that...  I also need to finish off his birthday present.  It just needs some little tiny additions...  Then you'll all get to see photos!

Here's a question:  When I got home, I noticed that both of my knees were clicking when I walked up and down stairs... Did I overextend my knees during kicks, or something?  Or, could it be from the extra balance exercises I've been doing?  There's no pain, just a weird click.

After class, I went to the Mitsuwa summer festival in Edgewater.  Sadly, I went alone, since I have practically no friends in the area nowadays.  It was still nice, though, and reminded me of walking around on my own when I lived in Japan.  I had ramen for dinner, ate some cotton candy, walked around, bought some food that's hard to find more locally, and watched the taiko perfomance and bon odori.  The taiko group (Taiko Masala) was really good for a small, local group... and I found out that they actually sell taiko, which I thought was awesome.  I told Sensei, since I knew he had wanted to buy a taiko years and years ago, but didn't want to pay $15,000 to have one shipped from Japan.

Well, I guess that's enough for today~

I can't even begin to describe the mix of emotions that I'm feeling right now because of the Beijing Olympics... but it seems like I'm going to try anyway.

I feel...

• insignificant because of the scale of it
• awed by the optimistic and moving imagery and emotion
• nostalgic because of my memories of Beijing and Urumqi
• melancholy because it will be a long time before I ever return there
• worried that the world will misunderstand China and the Chinese people, and think badly of them
• worried that the world will misunderstand China and the Chinese people, and think they're superhuman
• worried that the world will misunderstand the Chinese Uyghur population, and accuse them of terrorism
• amazed at the capabilities of the human body
• disappointed in myself for just sitting around eating cookies while amazing athletes and artists are realizing their dreams...

I'm sure there are more emotions in there... I just can't handle thinking about them right now.

Class today was interesting... K-san and the kouhai girl, B-san, showed up.

She was so funny today... It was raining when she was dropped off, so I let her sit in my car until Sensei showed up.  When he finally did, she was totally shocked that he was wearing street clothes and sunglasses, and literally started freaking out about it.  She was also completely shocked at his size, and kept saying how small he looked.  (For the record, I personally don't agree.  I mean... he's not a big guy, sure, but...)  I had to keep shushing her, lest he overhear.  Then, in the dressing room, she kept picking on me for trying to get the ends of my belt even.

It's interesting to compare our attitudes, I think...  I take everything about karate very seriously, from making sure to attend class as often as possible, to keeping my gi clean and wrinkle-free, to learning about karate traditions and terminology, to following the dojo rules...  It's all very serious business to me.  Of course it's also fun, and I laugh a ton during class, but I always put my whole heart into it.  B-san clearly sees class in a totally different light, though.  She constantly makes fun my seriousness, definitely sees Sensei as being a totally normal guy, (which he is, obviously, but I still idolize -- er... I mean, respect him greatly...) doesn't care all that much about the rules (like taking off jewelry, or putting wet shoes in the back room,)... just totally different than me.  I wonder what inspired her to join, and what she gets out of class.  I should ask.

Anyway, today, my kouhai learned stance kata for the first time, and K-san and I had to demonstrate that and the kihon kata quite a few times.  I KNEW I should have been spending more time on kata on my own... *sigh*  Although he didn't say so directly, Sensei definitely implied that I haven't been keeping them up to snuff.  I'm definitely going to try to do each kata I know at least once per day for now on.  I really don't like when Sensei half-kinda-semi-implies that I'm not doing something as well as I should be.

Other advice I was given... stop looking up and around the room.  Yeah, I definitely still need to work on that.  Focusing my eyes is a problem for me.  Also, I need to lift my right knee higher on my front kicks.  I was surprised about that one, since my right side is usually so much stronger than my left.  Why would my right kicks be lower?

My performance in class definitely wasn't very good today... but I did start to feel a little more like a senpai, so that was fun.  When B-san wasn't switching stances correctly, (she was turning on her heels, rather than the balls of her feet,) Sensei told her that if she messed up again, he'd make me do push-ups.  The fact that he was willing to punish me in such a manner made me feel a little more like I belonged.  (Does that make sense?  at all?)  Sensei is definitely starting to go a bit harder on me in other ways too.  Today, he slapped me really hard on the hand during yoi (which, apparently, Chinen-sensei was fond of doing,) to make sure that I was putting some strength behind it.

So, I asked about private bo classes, and Sensei said that he would offer them... so... I'll think about it.  For now, I'm going to try to research a bit on my own, though, and see what I can learn by myself.

I'm so tired of overeating and eating bad food and sitting around being lazy all day.  This stops NOW.  Whenever I get the urge to overeat, I will say to myself, "you do not need, nor want, that food."  I will repeat it many times if necessary.  When I eat a meal, I will eat slowly, and only to the point where I feel sated.  I will not feel bad about leaving food on my plate.  Whenever I'm sitting around, at least one part of my body will be training.

See you next time!

Warning: This entry contains little to no information about martial arts!... but a ton of information about things that are tangetially related to martial arts.  Sorry about that.

So, I'm kind of disappointed that I'm not invited to Sensei's birthday party.  I mean, I know I shouldn't be, and I'm honestly not even all that surprised, since the only two people that I actually know are attending have been at the dojo for years.  Still, when you see someone almost every day for four months, you feel kind of close to him... Plus, it would be nice to give Sensei his gift during an actual party.  But, maybe it'll actually be nicer to give it to him separately, so I can watch him open it.

The price of class is going up next month to $120.  It's not all that different from $115, so I can't really complain... but it's still kind of annoying.  How much do your schools charge for karate?  I know $120 seems a little steep, but I don't think it's actually all that high for schools in this area.  Plus, we don't have any testing fees or anything... and I personally think the quality of instruction is worth at least twice that price.  But, I'm biased.

Anyway, I found out that the price went up because Sensei put a bulletin up on the wall.  On the same sheet, other costs were listed... the prices for kids and teens, the introductory week price, etc.  Then, under that... "private lessons - $40 per half hour."

PRIVATE LESSONS?  SENSEI OFFERS PRIVATE LESSONS??  WHY DIDN'T I KNOW THIS BEFORE??

This is amazing news to me.  My first thought was, "I wonder if he'll teach me private bo lessons..."  I'd definitely be willing to pay for that.  I think I'll ask Sensei about it tomorrow, when class is small, and he'll have time to talk to me.

Okay... I guess I'll actually talk about class now.  Today we were doing knee strikes, and I discovered that I'm really not very good at them at all...  I have a hard time generating any power. By the end of class, I had improved a bit, but I think I still looked pretty weak.  In happier news, when Sensei called up "one white belt!!" to hit the heavy bag, I jumped up first.  (We were basically supposed to wail on it as the class cheered us on.)  Usually, that kind of thing makes me too nervous or embarrassed to volunteer.  (Maybe I think if I'm a super-good student, Sensei will invite me to his party!! ... kidding, kidding...)

I also seemed to be the more popular to cheer on between W-san and me, but I figure that's just because I've been there longer... and possibly just because I'm "the girl."  Speaking of that... Everyone in class was calling, "Go Michele!" instead of "Go, L-san!" even though calling people by their first names during class is against the rules.  It's 'cause I'm a girl, isn't it?

I got really exhausted again today.  I wonder if I'm pushing myself harder than usual during class...  I guess that would be a good thing.

I think the reason why my push-ups don't seem to be improving is because I'm just doing better push-ups now than I was when I started.  I wasn't doing them on my knees or anything, but I wasn't getting very close to the floor when I went down.  I think, as I've improved, my form has just gotten better, but the amount of push-ups I can do hasn't really increased.  It's kind of annoying, actually.

Well, I could go on, but I'll stop for now.  Happy training, everyone!

Something about the vibe in class today was a little weird.  I think it's because my one kouhai never laughs, or even smiles, during or after class.  He also rarely, rarely talks... which is weird because I met his father, and his father can't seem to stop talking.  I wonder how that happened.

We worked on mawashi geri (roundhouse kicks) today, and I think I've definitely improved since last time.  I have much less trouble getting grip, and I can kick at a number of heights without too much of a problem.  My form isn't great, and my balance could be much better after the kick, but I think I did pretty well.  My power's not too bad, and my distancing is getting better, although I tend to stand a bit too close.

I got to be uke quite a bit today, which was fun.  Sensei seems to usually choose young, high-ranking students to be uke.  (H-san tends to be his uke of choice, when he's around.)  But, since I've recently been in a lot of classes full of aging black belts and young white belts, the job has been falling on me more and more often.  It makes me so proud.  :)

I got really exhausted in class for some reason.  Is doing push-ups on a mat harder than it is on a hard floor?  I felt like I was having a ton more trouble than usual today.  I also got really tired doing kicks.  I was even yawning, and I got plenty of sleep last night... (and class wasn't boring either, so that's not the reason.)  Maybe I didn't have enough water before class?

After class, we stood around and talked about fashion again.  It made me realize that I have no idea what people are wearing nowadays.  I'm so out of touch with my generation.  Heh..

Whoops!  Nearly forgot to update today.

Today was an oddly small Monday class.  Only five people showed up.  H-san came back from his working vacation in Japan, though.  It was nice to see him again, although we aren't exactly too friendly.  He's still part of my dojo family.

Today's class focused on mawashi geri (roundhouse kick,) the kakato geri (heel kick) that looks kind of like a reverse mawashi geri, and a number of interesting takedowns you can use to counter them, or work off of them if they fail.  The one that was new to me was the following:  After executing a kakato geri, if your leg is captured, drop to your hand, kick up your supporting leg, and kick out your opponent's legs from behind.  It's pretty awesome.  I don't usually get to drop people so dramatically.

I definitely think my mawashi geri has improved.  It's not good, by any means, but it's much better than before.

I really like how I'm still continually seeing progress in my training.  I've heard that once you get to a certain level, (especially once you become a black belt,) you stop noticing improvement, even if others might notice it.  That worries me, since I tend to give up and quit in situations like that...  I hope karate will be different.

I've really gotten spoiled by my new gi.  When I was working with some people today that still wear beginner gi, I kept feeling like i was going to rip their clothes in half during takedowns.  Plus, it was really hard to get a good grip on them, since those gi are so soft, and they lie so close to the body.  (I guess it's good practice for taking down people wearing regular street clothes, but it sure does make techniques harder to perform.)  I always have to spend an extra moment or so to make sure that I'm holding onto gi, and not arm skin or shoulder hair.  I definitely wouldn't want to rip off anyone's shoulder hair... Although, I'm sure some people with hairy shoulders wouldn't mind so much if it was gone.

The yellow belt kid in my class (whose name I will NEVER figure out) was so funny today.  Sensei kept calling the two of us "the kouhai" all class, and he was so obviously irritated by it.  Each time we were told, "okay, now the kouhai together," he would give me this bizarre. embarrassed look.  I guess he likes to think of himself as a senpai, since he's been there a year, and there are a number of people lower than him on the seniority chain.  But, "haw haw," I say to him.  I really have no sympathy  ... I'm so bad.  :D

Sensei's birthday is coming up, and I'm working on an awesome present for him.  Expect photos sometime in the next week, along with photos of my finished chiishi

Remember this?:

"The mats are still down in the dojo, so I have a feeling that we'll be doing a lot of [grappling] for at least a week.  Well, that and using training implements that could potentially damage the hardwood floor."

Did I call it, or what? Today's theme was hojo undo!  ...  Well, actually, the theme was probably something more like improving sanchin, awase tsuki (double handed punch,) or yoko uke (side block,) but you know what I mean.

My dojo has a lot of traditional-style hodo undo equipment, including chiishi, kongoken, tan, and nigiri game, but we use certain things much more than others.  (Check out this neat chart to know what I'm talking about!)  We use chiishi fairly often, and I've used the kongoken once before, but today was the first time I used the tan.  Instead of a traditional barbell-style tan, though, we basically have... a log.  (Here's a photo of a kid in the teen class having a super fun time with our tan.)

I've mentioned before how much I love using traditional training equipment... and I've mentioned before how I love getting a nice set of bruises from hard training... so, today was fairly awesome.  Thanks to the chiishi and tan, I have a set of ridiculous-looking bruises all up and down my forearms.  (I'll take some photos for you guys tomorrow, when they're more fully developed.)  I still wonder why I bruise so easily, though.  No one else in class seems to come out of class looking quite like I do.

I'm actually glad that I don't have work on Monday, because I'd hate to have to explain myself.  "Karate" is a good excuse when you have a few black and blue marks... but when your whole arm is covered, people get suspicious.  But... at the same time, I kind of like when people notice and ask.  It gives me a chance to talk about karate with people that wouldn't otherwise know to ask about it ... Plus, I like getting the chance to show off my "battle scars."

Bleh... I knew I shouldn't have skipped writing an entry yesterday.  Now I've totally forgotten what we did.  Heh...

*thinks* Alright... let's see.  Yesterday was Thursday...  Oh!  I remember!

Yesterday we did a TON of grappling.  The mats are still down in the dojo, so I have a feeling that we'll be doing a lot of that kind of thing for at least a week.  Well, that and using training implements that could potentially damage the hardwood floor.  Sensei is REALLY anal about the floor, so he doesn't let us use weapons or heavy training equipment very often, lest we drop them.  :)

So, anyway, grappling!  I have very little experience with grappling, other than a few basic techniques, so everything was very new to me.  But, I think I did really well.  I managed to get through everything without being too lost.  It made me feel kinda like an MMA fighter.  :)  I also figured out what you're supposed do when your arms are pinned and you can't tap out... Apparently, you say "osu!"

I thought it would be awkward grappling with a bunch of guys, but it ended up being fine.  I guess I just know everyone pretty well by now, and have gotten over the "I feel weird touching people" stage.  I'm kind of proud.  I actually sometimes think it's nice that there usually isn't another female student around.  When M-san used to come a lot, I was often paired with her for things like grappling, probably to minimize potential awkwardness.  But, it's good to move out of your comfort zone, I think.  After all, if I'm attacked by someone, it's not necessarily going to be a woman...

Sadly, I can't remember much else about class yesterday... so, I'll move on to today!

Today's karate class was really fun.  We did suwari waza (techniques done while sitting) and hiki uke (hook block,) and also did some choking techniques.  To improve those, we worked with chiishi again, and did a bunch of wrist grabs.  Apparently, I have some trouble keeping my pinky from sticking out when I grab.  I guess I'm afraid I'm going to jam in into something, so I hold back.

During class, K-san's acquaintance came to watch.  He seemed to be interested, and said that he'd come back to try a class, so, maybe I'll see him next Friday.  Also, a mother and teen came and asked some questions... but I'm not sure what they said, since Sensei talked to them while the class was doing chiishi work, and I was slightly distracted by the arm pain.

By the way, I never realized before how weak my left arm is.  I could barely work with the chiishi at all on the left.  Because of this, I was inspired to make a chiishi of my own...  So, today, I visited Home Depot and picked up a 1 1/4 inch oak dowel, a paint pail, some nails, and a box of cement.  So far, I've cut the dowel to 20 inches, sanded it, put some screws in the base, and stained it a mahogany color.  When the stain dries, I'll seal it with polyurethane, mix up an inch and a half of cement in the bucket, stick in the dowel, and wait a week.  Then, voila!  My very own chiishi!  I'll take photos when it's done.

I wonder why so many new people are coming in to watch class lately.  Or, rather, I wonder why so few have visited over the last few months...

After class, Sensei gave me a thumbs up for coming to class so often, but also told me that I needed to learn to stop looking around the room when I'm doing stuff.  Staring to the side isn't the best habit to have when someone is attacking you, I guess.

Later tonight, I had aikido.  It was a pretty good class, but one teenage guy kept... "giving me advice."  Now, I know he's more experienced than I am, but I felt like he was being a little rude.  For example, "You should practice that," he said about breakfalls.  Uh... yeah.  I know.  This is a basics class... That's what I was doing... Thanks...

Anyway, we did a lot of breakfalls, which was neat because I've mostly done rolls before.  I think I got the hang of it by the end, but I'm really not very good at them.  My right breakfall is still WAY better than my left...

After class, I went out for pizza with my senpai and another student, which was a bit awkward, but nice.  Why do I always end up hanging out with old guys lately?

Bo class bo class bo class bo class bo class bo class!!!!  <3 <3 <3  Yes, that's right.  Tonight, we had a bo class.  :D

As you know, I'm crazy about bo.  I'm not sure why, but the first time I held one in my hands and stood in hanmi in front of the mirrors... I just felt it.  "This is my weapon..." I thought.  "This is what I need to learn..."

I bought a bo about a week back when I went to Philly to visit a friend that gets wholesale prices on martial arts equipment.  It was kind of a impulse buy, since I was actually there to get sparring equipment, but it wasn't too expensive, so I don't feel guilty about it.  Anyway, I couldn't deny my calling.  :)

When I got back to my dojo the next Monday, I told Sensei that I bought a bo, and asked if we could work with them some more.  He gave me a rather noncommital answer, and I assumed that what he actually meant was, "Er... Sorry, but no."  But... today we had a bo class!!! (As if I didn't say that enough at the beginning of the entry.)

Since the mats were still out from a takedown class on Monday, Sensei let us use real, wooden bo, as opposed to the foam ones he makes us use on the hardwood floor.  This was great, since I haven't really gotten to use a real one outside of my own practice in the backyard.  Kouhai boy, (who I will call W-san from now on,) totally hit the ceiling with it, though, and I thought (my incredibly OCD) Sensei was going to flip out on him.  He just gave him a stern talking-to, though.  I guess he didn't want to freak the guy out too early on.  He's a quiet kid.  I can never tell what he's thinking.

I had such a fun time in class today...  It ended up being me, C-san (the older yellow belt,) and the two young kouhai.  This gave me a chance to really feel kind of like a senpai, despite my rank.  My bo skills are minimal, but I've been to a few classes before, so I got to be Sensei's uke quite a few times... and I love being Sensei's uke.  <3

Let's see... noteable things about today?  Well, we warmed up with the bo, which was kind of neat.  We did basic strikes... and a few ways of switching sides... Some basic yakusoku kumite-type stuff...

My partner for the whole class was the kouhai girl, B-san.  I tried to be very careful not to hit her with my bo, since she wasn't holding onto hers very tightly, and she still hasn't really learned basic stances or anything.  I think she did well, though.

Okay, now, tell me if this is bad... I was doing ude tanren with B-san, who hadn't done it before.  I was going very slowly and softly (in my opinion) and told her to just go as hard as she could.  She seemed to be wincing a little, so I told her to tighten her forearms more, and tried to back off.  Then, Sensei instructed us to go a bit harder "on the fives."  We counted, "ichi... ni... san... shi..." but, on the count of "go," B-san went, "Aiee!!" and pulled back scared before I could hit her.  It made me laugh a little ... Is that evil?  Heh.

Class went a half hour overtime today, so Sensei apologized.  He told the kouhai, "if your parents are waiting outside to give you a ride, just let me know, and you can go."  He then turned to C-san, and told him, "You, on the other hand, have to stay, because I want to punish you."  Then, he turns to me and pauses a minute.  "And you... you wouldn't care.  You'd stay forever.  If I had a two hour class, would you stay?"  He didn't even give me time to answer.  I guess my smile was enough.

My mom washed my gi for me tonight!  Isn't that sweet?

I'm up WAY too late right now, due to a birthday party, but I thought I'd try to get out a blog entry before I forget what happened in class today.

Today was aikido.  As most of you probably know by now, I'm not all that positive about aikido in general... The atmosphere in the dojo is a little awkward, and I never feel like I'm picking up any of the techniques.  The teaching style seems to be "watch until you figure it out on your own," which throws me off a bit... I'm really trying to be less negative and make the most out of my time there, but it's been kind of hard.  But, anyway, I digress.

Tonight, C-senpai taught again.  My experience with her today was of a similar nature as last time.

Something about C-senpai is very intimidating...  She's not all that patient when I get confused, and is very adamant about having us sit in seiza when she's demonstrating something...  If we don't, she makes and face and acts like you're completely disrespecting her as a person.  I also get the distinct feeling that she wants to hurt me.  Heh...

We worked together a few times during class today, and she always just threw me at full speed without any regard to whether I knew what I was doing or not.  Most people working with me will go through a technique slowly, or give me a little heads up right before I'm supposed to roll.  But, C-senpai just threw me out there with no warning.  So... Let's just say that my back wasn't feeling so great by the end of the night.

In general, class was a bit awkward, but turned out well in the end.  There was one thing that confused me, though...  Even though I got the feeling that C-senpai... hm... well, it's not that I think she doesn't like me... It just feels like she thinks she has to... assert her power over me?  Yeah... that's a good way of putting it....  Anyway, even though I got kind of a negative vibe from her, this happened:

It's very near the end of class... There are an uneven amount of people there, so I'm the odd-one-out in a group of three.  I'm sitting in seiza near the wall.  Suddenly, C-senpai calls me up.  I assume that she wants to do the technique that everyone else is doing, so I grab her wrist with two hands... and she steps into me.

"Wait, what?"  I think to myself.  "Everyone else is stepping backwards...."  I stumble back a bit, feeling like I'm supposed to be doing a back roll, but not quite sure if that's what she wants from me.  "Do a back roll," she tells me bluntly, but with no other explanation, and immediately leads me into doing it again.  This time, I back roll.  And then we do it again... and again... and once more.

C-senpai claps her hands to signify that everyone should stop and line up for a new techinque.

Then... she called me up to be her uke for the technique we had just done!  I actually froze in seiza at first, and she had to beckon me twice.  You see, I've only seen advanced students be uke for demonstrations, so I thought she must have been joking or something.  But, no... it wasn't a joke.  She actually wanted me to be her uke... So, I did it.  I performed four acceptable, but fairly badly executed, back rolls in front of the whole class...

Why did she choose me to be uke?  Was it because I happened to be the the one without a partner near the end of class, or was it for some other reason?  It strikes me as a good thing... like an honor.  But, why give me that honor?  I didn't do particularly well during the class, and there were a number of people there that would have been able to take ukemi MUCH better than me....  People that wouldn't be quite so sore right now...

Like I said... I have the distinct feeling that she wants to hurt me...  Heh.

Goju and aikido are overlapping more and more lately...  Today in karate, Sensei put out the mats, and we worked on ukemi!  Sadly, the mats were kind of crowded, and I was kind of scared of rolling into people...

The theme of class was kururunfa / gekisai dai ni bunkai.  Since I have neither of those kata yet, I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I do know that we did a lot of rolling around and lots of hiki uke (hook block.)  AND, we got to use the chiishi again!

For some reason, I'm crazy for traditional training implements.  They make me feel like I'm part of something larger, I guess... like I'm somehow closer to Miyagi-sensei, or Higaonna Kanryo-sensei...  Silly, huh?  Part of me belongs in some other time and place, I think.  (And speaking of Miyagi-sensei, did you all see the photos of the shirt I made?  I'm so proud of myself... Heh.)

Anyway, I've worked with the chiishi before, but this was the first time I got to do that neat exercise you always see in videos. :D   (Here's an example.  Watch the exercise at 1:37.)  Naturally, Sensei had me and another kouhai stand in the middle of the mats when we were using them, since he doesn't trust us to not drop chiishi on his shiny floor.  Sensei sure loves that floor.

The chiishi was meant to help us do a technique where we would grab our opponent's arm after a hiki uke, and then snake the other arm over and around their arm and under their leg to take them down.  Man, I suck at describing things.

I was really glad that I got to use the ukemi that I've learned in aikido.  No one seemed especially impressed or anything, but I was proud of the fact that I didn't freeze up and stare at Sensei with a "oh no, what do I do??" face.  I just stepped right up there and rolled.  Or, uh... I guess I did actually make that face once... when I was expected to do some kind of crazy breakfall over an obstacle.  I never get those right, and always end up hurting myself.

Either I'm getting worse at push-ups, or Sensei is asking more and more of us.  I can't tell which it is...

Aikido tomorrow... and I won't skip!  I promise.  :)

My body hurts all over...

I have bruises all along my arms and legs and back...  My hips and butt are incredibly stiff... My lower back is tender... My shoulders are slumped over from overexertion... My chest has a dull ache...

... and it feels so good.  Funny how that works, isn't it?

Today's karate class was me, V-san, and the two young kouhai, and the theme was yoko geri (side kicks.)  Since I haven't spent all that much time on them before, I had a really good time, but it was really exhausting.  I spent a lot of time in shiko dachi, and was made to hold my leg up in the air for as long as possible way too many times.  I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't nearly as hard as it used to be for me, though... not that it wasn't hard.  It was hard.  Trust me.

Late in the class when we were just starting to drag, Sensei ran out of the room, grabbed a set of kama, and started to slash at our ankles to make us cross-step faster.  (Although I'm fairly sure he didn't do much more than run and yell when it came to the kouhai.)  Things like that do make me work harder... but they also make me giggle out of control.  I wonder what that says about me.

I feel like I have a much better idea of what constitutes a good side kick now, so I'm glad.  I even managed to hit the heavy bag pretty well a few times... something that usually trips me up.  I definitely have a problem where I think too much and don't trust my body... alongside the distance issue I have.

Now that I've had dedicated classes on mae geri, mawashi geri, and yoko geri, I'm just waiting on ushiro geri...

After class, I got to listen to Sensei talk with the kouhai boy's father, who was a black belt at our school in the past.  They were telling stories about some of the crazy parties they've had with people from the dojo, and they sounded totally ridiculous and out of control...

I hope I get invited to a dojo party soon too.  Heh...

This isn't going to be as exciting a surprise for you as it was for me, but I really enjoyed aikido today!

Fridays are ukemi class, and something about the guy that teaches that class (S-senpai) always used to rub me the wrong way.  I used to feel like he was picking on me, you know?  But, today he didn't bother me at all.  I guess I went in with a more open mind than usual, and stopped taking his comments so personally.  When I stepped back and assessed the situation a bit, I realized that he probably picks on me because he thinks I can do better.  Maybe he just holds me to high standards.  That can't be a bad thing, right?

Anyway, class was pretty fun, and I think my front rolls have gotten a lot better.  I wonder if my practice in the yard the other day helped.  S-senpai said my technique had improved quite a bit.  I did take some bad falls on my back again, though, so, I'm going to try to stretch and take it easy tonight.  I can feel my back tensing up a little...  Something about S-senpai's classes is a bit dangerous.

Oh, I was also invited out for pizza after class next Friday.  I thought that was nice.

Of course, karate was also awesome today.  We focused on seiyunchin <3 <3 <3 bunkai, including gyaku kote gaeshi (reverse wrist twist,) which we actually also did in aikido...  In karate, though, we started from a double wrist grab, and in aikido, we started from a tsuki (punch.)  Sounds backwards doesn't it!  And people think that karate and aikido are so different...

Well, I guess there are some differences... Here's an amusing story to demonstrate.  I have a fairly noticeable bruise on my right forearm from ude tanren (arm conditioning) sometime earlier this week.  Here are the two responses I got from my teachers today when they noticed it:

• Karate Sensei: "Now that's the mark of a true warrior!  Good!"
• Aikido Senpai: "What's that from?  Karate?  ...  Tsk."

By the way, I had a nice conversation with Sensei after class again today.  This time it was mostly about getting old, turning gray, and going bald.  :)  One tip I got... if I'm ever in a fight with a guy with a comb over, go for the hair.  Sensei said that no matter how big and tough a guy might be, if he's got a comb over, and I pull on it, he'll freak out, stop fighting, and try to fix it.  Heh...

Sensei also asked me about my job, which was kind of nice, since I don't usually get much of a chance to contribute much when I talk with him.  It's always about things that I can't really relate to (going bald?) or things that I don't understand very well (karate techniques... real estate... gossip about black belts that I haven't met yet...)  For those who don't know, my summer job is working with a class of severely autistic 10-12 year old mentally disabled kids.  Most of the kids are autistic, but some have other problems, including cerebral palsy.  Sensei mentioned that he had been thinking about teaching a class of kids with cerebral palsy at some point, but he never got the chance.  He's got such a good heart.  <3

While talking after class today, those were the two things D-san told me I had to conquer in my study of karate... ego and fear.  "It's much more difficult than the physical aspects," he said.  I thought that was very wise.

I don't think I'm a particularly fearful person... nor do I think I'm all that egotistical... Or, maybe I should say that I'm outwardly neither...  My fears aren't very obvious.  My somewhat inflated ego is hidden by my desire to be kind and treat others fairly...  So, I guess I still do struggle with those things.

That D-san was able to notice that about me is somewhat humbling... but I'm glad that he felt he could tell me.  That, at least, speaks to the fact that he thinks I have the potential to grow.

I'm going to keep our conversation in mind as I start sparring in a week or so.  The only things holding me back are ego and fear... If I can stop worrying about looking silly or messing up techniques... if I can only face my opponents with confidence... I'll have nothing to worry about.

Class itself was fun, as usual.  We focused mostly on mawashi geri (roundhouse kicks) today.  I seem to have improved since last time we worked on them, so I was glad.  I guess all it takes is time and practice...  I still have a lot of trouble with bags, though... any kind of bag.  Heavy bag... speed bag... those square shield thingies...  It's not as much of a problem with my hands, but my aim with my legs is terrible.  Something about my distance is way off, and, coupled with my weak technique, adds up to pretty lame-looking attacks.  I guess I just need to spend more time at home punching pillows and such.

A new student showed up today!  (I don't know what happened to the two new kids that joined last week... This was someone else.)  He seemed like a really nice guy, and was introduced to the place by K-san, who comes during the day.  He seemed to be having a good time, and pretty much said that he would definitely come back, despite living kind of far away.  I'm glad the dojo is starting to get a bunch of new students.  Sensei deserves them.

Alone in class again today... I guess the kouhai don't like Wednesdays either?  There's something weird about Wednesdays...

Sensei had me working with the speed bag for most of class...  Bleh.

I really HATE the speed bag...  Of course, that's just because I'm terrible at it.  I know it needs major improvement, so I try not to get too frustrated when I'm told to use it...  I just wish there were someplace else I could practice...  Like, a totally empty gym.  If I could work on my technique outside of class, I'm sure I'd improve quickly... But, having Sensei watch me screw up is bad enough... Practicing in a gym or other public place would just attract all kinds of annoying attention.  People watching and thinking, "she sucks"... Guys coming over because they want to "help me"...

We also did kata.  They were a bit weak again today... but Sensei commented on how my new gi was popping as I did them.  <3  I love my gi.  (I've got "the look"~)

I had a nice conversation with Sensei today.  (And... by that, I mean that I had a nice time listening to Sensei talk at me today.)  I told him about my new bo, and I tried to convince him to teach it more... (I don't think I really succeeded, sadly.)  We also talked about gi and other martial arts clothing, and how styles have changed over the years...

Finally, I told him how I was kind of scared to start sparring...  It was interesting, since it was almost like he didn't know what to say for once.  Basically, his advice boiled down to "if someone is hitting you too hard, tell them, or tell me," and "just take baby steps."  I want to make him proud, so I'm going to try to go into sparring with a positive attitude.  But... I'm scared I'll freeze when people start going after me...

I need to think of something really nice to write to Sensei in his birthday card.  He has had such a positive impact on my life over the last three months that I really want to express my thanks... but I have no idea what to say to him that could possibly express the depth of my gratitude.  To those who have taught:  What kinds of things would you love to hear from your students?

Happy, happy day~  I bought a new gi!  It's not the fanciest gi ever, but it's a heck of a lot better than my crappy beginner gi was.  That one probably cost $10, (I don't know the price because it was free when I joined,) and totally didn't fit right at all...  It was a 5, so the sleeves and pants were much, much too long, but the top barely wrapped around my chest.  Plus, since it was so lightweight, my cuffs would always unroll when I kicked... So annoying...

My new one is a white, 100% cotton KI heavyweight size 4.  It's the kind of gi that makes an awesome snapping sound when you punch.  <3  The sleeves and pants are still a bit long, but I like the rolled look, so that's fine with me.  Plus, I expect it to shrink a bit anyway.

The top is cut so that it covers my chest well, and it doesn't pull around my hips like my old gi top did.  It's also quite a bit longer, which I think looks very dashing.  As for the pants, they're much roomier than my old ones, so I can go into a nice low shikodachi without yanking on them... and the pant legs are cut straight, so they make me look much more balanced than the old, tapered ones did.  Plus, they're drawstring!  There's no elastic at all!  So classy... So classic...! So cool!  :D

This gi is so much heavier and stiffer than my old one, that it was a bit weird moving in it at first... but I honestly don't care.  I'm totally in love.  It'll soften up a bit as I wash it anyway.

I can't imagine my reaction when I eventually get a REALLY nice gi... (Maybe a Japanese brand... brushed cotton... extra stitching...)  I think I'll explode.

Before class today, I was really nervous.  I literally paced around for a few hours waiting for class to start, and mused about what would happen.  I was terrified of my kouhai... and how I'd have to show her how to tie her belt... and how she'd watch me during class... and how she'd probably be overwhelmed by a Monday...  I was also nervous about showing people my new gi.  Would they notice?  Would they care?  Also, would people start asking me about sparring equipment again?  Would D-san and A-san tell Sensei about my nacho fiasco??  There were so many silly things to worry about.  :)

Oh, so I also ordered a chest protector.  I ended up mail ordering it, since they weren't selling any nice ones at the place nearby.  This is the one I got: Econoguard. I liked it because it came in actual sizes, unlike almost every other one I've seen.  (Hello, people! Humans come in more than one shape!) Plus, it looks like it will fit nicely under my gi and not be too noticeable.  Hopefully that'll show up sometime later this week, and I can get to sparring!

Anyway, all of my worries were for naught.  Neither of my kouhai showed up... everyone thought my gi looked nice... no one picked on me too badly about not having all of my sparring stuff yet... and I actually did fairly well in the class, which focused on shisochin bunkai and nukite, etc.  The nachos were mentioned, but I'm fairly sure no one has told Sensei yet.  Heh...

Speaking of my gi (... again ...) Sensei said that now I have "the look," which I took to be a good thing.  Although, I first knew that he noticed my new gi when I dropped a medicine ball, and he started going,  "L-san!  Was that you, or the gi?  You, or the gi??"  Sadly, I don't think it was the gi's fault...  Oh well.  At least I was the fastest to hit the bag once today~  Progress!

Being a white belt is so great, because if you do something well, everyone is pleasantly surprised... but if you screw up, no one cares!  Ahh... such freedom...

Wow.  I feel like I haven't been on here forever.  I went to class on Friday, but didn't write about it, and then skipped for the last two days, for various reasons.  Did I miss anything major?

Friday's class was fun.  The kouhai boy showed up, as well as K-san, and we worked on roundhouse kicks.  Sadly, my kicks are fairly awful.  I didn't really realize this until then.  I had thought that my really weak kicks were front kicks, but, apparently, my roundhouse kicks are also terrible.  *le sigh*  There's something about coordinating my hips, arms, and legs while trying to chamber well and keep my foot firm that screws me up.  In more positive news, when Sensei told us to keep our legs in the air as long as possible, I did much, much better than I've done in the past.  Yay improved fitness!

Despite his training in sambo, the kouhai seems to be struggling with a lot of things.  I guess it's partially the new environment, and the very different style.  Still, I wonder why some things are difficult for him.  For example: in one warm-up, we threww a medicine ball into one another's stomaches.  We formed a group of three, and passed one or two of them in a circle.  Usually, this works out fine, but the kouhai kept hitting me in the chest, which started to hurt by the end... Anyway, I was just sort of surprised that his control didn't seem to be that great.

I did find that having a kouhai forced me to work harder than I usually do, (to show off?  to give a good impression?  to help him out and set a good example?) and my hips and shoulders were extremely sore the next day.  So, I think having kouhai will be good for me.

On Saturday, I had to skip class to drive down to Philly, finally pick up my sparring equipment (!!!) and go to a party, which was fun.  I'm thrilled with everything I bought, except for my horrible chest protector.  The more I look at it, the more I don't think I can really wear it comfortably during class.  I think I might be forced to go to a local place and see what else they have there, since I really can't stand it.  It looks totally ridiculous under my gi, doesn't fit me very well, and makes a terrible *bonk!* sound when you hit it.  (Sorry, Rafe~)

Oh oh!  And I bought a bo!  I bought a bo!  I'm so extremely super excited!  The one I got is a hard, 6 foot, red-finished wood bo without tapered ends.  I nearly got a rattan one, but my friend recommend getting the heavier one to train with first.  (I was also extremely tempted by tonfa and shinai... so, I might have to buy some of those at some point...)  Who knows what I'm going to end up doing with my bo, though... I mean, I really don't have any way to learn how to use it, except for occasional lessons in karate class, and from my friend in Philly.  I think I'm going to tell Sensei that I bought one, and maybe he'll offer to give me private tutoring~ <3

The day I've been dreading for months now has finally arrived...  and it honestly wasn't all that bad.  Today, two new students joined the dojo, and I became a senpai!  (I mean that in the general sense of "higher ranking student," of course.  I'm not talking about the title "senpai" that some schools use.)

One is a boy of 17, who has a background (and is apparently quite proficient) in sambo, which is interesting...  He also wants to be a marine.  He seemed like a nice enough kid, but maybe a little over-confident...?  D-san (a brown belt) told me after class that he told him he was doing a joint lock wrong, which I think was a little inappropriate...

In any case, when this kid walked into the school, I was immediately terrified.  Not only was my "the kouhai" title being stripped from me, but it was being stripped from me by a kid who's already in great shape and is skilled in another art.  It's one thing if you're the lowest ranking student and you're the worst in class, but if your kouhai are doing better than you...?  Well, it's embarrasing, even though I know it shouldn't be.

But, then, a minute later, a girl walked in.  She was wearing sweats and a t-shirt, just like I was when I first started, and looked a bit overwhelmed.  She told A-san, "I'm here for the class..."  It somehow felt familiar and comforting...

Just then, Sensei told me to introduce her to the school!  I was a bit shaken.  Me?  Introduce someone to the school?  Shouldn't a brown belt do that or something?  I was expecting to maybe show her how to tie her obi, but not anything else!  I stuttered through the beginning bit, trying to remember what I was told on my first day... "Try not to stand here... Sign in here... Line up here when Sensei calls 'shugou'... Here's the bathroom... Bow when you enter and leave the floor...  D-do you have any questions..?"

Soon after, class began.  We helped the kouhai line up to my right (!!!) and walked them through ki o tsuke, rei, seiza, mokusou... Sensei went through warm-ups the way he used to when I was new, calling out the English and Japanese for each movement, and explaining everything in detail as we went along.  The girl stood behind me, watching me carefully, and copying my moves.  I tried my best to look cool, do my techniques as best I could, and set a good example...

During class, we focused mostly on basic elbow strikes, and I think I did fairly well.  The entire time, though, I was terrified that I would mess up, and either make the kouhai copy me and learn things wrongly, or make them think I'm totally incompetent...  Ah, being a senpai is scary...

After class, both new students signed up for the month, and I tried to hang around for a while and be supportive.  Turns out the girl is 16, making her just old enough to join the adult class, and also making her the youngest student there.  It seemed like she enjoyed herself, and I tried to answer a few more questions and give some advice... She said she'd be back Monday, so we'll see how that goes.

Afterwards, I went out for drinks with D-san and A-san.  It was really awesome, since I don't have many friends around here anymore, and I rarely get a chance to go out like that.  (All of my close friends live scattered around the world right now.)  But, the night did end a little badly when I was challenged to eat a giant plate of nachos...  Of course, I took the challenge, since I always have to accept food-related challenges for some reason... but, that was a terrible, terrible idea... Yeah, I'll leave it at that.

I'll totally be in class tomorrow, though... Don't worry.

Today was an awesome class!  Only three of us showed up, (which is more than it is on Wednesday sometimes anyway,) and we worked with bo (staff)!

We hardly ever work with weapons in class... I've been in the school for three months now, (holy crap, that's all?) and I've only used the bo once before.  So, I was really excited.  I know that Sensei has some background with weapons, since he used to do weapons kata in tournaments, but I guess he just usually likes to focus on empty handed techniques in class...?

I can't describe what we did very well, since I'm not all that familiar with the bo... but we mostly worked on basic techniques -- switching hands in a few different ways, basic downward strikes, irimi tenkan, blocking from various angles, etc...  I thought I looked pretty cool in the mirror.  i think the bo suits me.  :D

In other news, I've been extremely exhausted lately... Like, I keep taking long naps during the afternoon, but I'm still able to fall asleep at my normal bedtime.  I wonder if I'm a little bit sick or something... or if my contacts being the wrong prescription (because I swear they are) are straining my eyes and making me feel more tired than I really am.  Hm...

Tomorrow, I'm going to go get a drink with some people from class after training.  Yay!  I have new friends!

Things to work on:

• getting equipment (I have plans to get it on Saturday!)
• finding a better bo equivalent to practice with at home
• see previous

I got contacts today!  Unfortunately, they're a bit fuzzy and weird, especially in the right eye... I'll see if I adapt to them in the next day or so.  If not, I'll have to go and get them checked.

Even though they're a little fuzzy, I went to karate wearing them.  The main reason why I got them in the first place was because my glasses were always getting in the way during class, so I figured a little skewed vision wouldn't be any different than usual.  I mean, the other day, they got hooked on someone's finger during kakie and fell off... and bent when that girl kicked me in the face... and they always get all covered in sweat so I can't see half the time anyway.

So, today I did a whole ton of kata without being able to see very well... and, you know, it didn't seem to matter.  I guess I don't really focus my eyes on anything when I'm doing kata, so it didn't affect much.  I kind of stare forward at some weird non-place.  I wonder if that's bad or good...

We basically just did kata today after warming up, which was extremely tiring.  Kihon dai san always totally exhausts me.

I really love kata... Not that I'm good at them or anything...  I just really love them, and I can't wait to learn a "real" one.  When we have a kata class, and I'm standing in the corner working on the kihon kata by myself, I always find myself staring over at the upper-level students and pining away...  "Ohhh, saifa... I wish I were allowed to do saifa...  Ohhh, seiyunchin... I love seiyunchin..."

Sensei said something really nice at the end of class today... He told us that, when people have been training for a long time, the days all start to run together, and they often stop feeling like they're progressing... but that, when he looks at us, he always thinks about where we started, and how far we've all come.  I thought it was really sweet.

Things to work on:

• general form in kata
• see previous

I have a small, painful bruise directly on the knuckle of my middle finger... from punching the shed.  Why I decided it would be a good idea to punch the shed, I'm not sure.  I didn't even hit it very hard... but, ow.  Clearly, I'm desiring of a makiwara.  I need something that has a little give to it...

So, today I went to aikido, and another senpai (that I've never met) taught.  He was a pretty good teacher, but I ended up working with a lot of partners that weren't quite so good...  I also worked a few times with the one senpai that picks on me a lot, which was kind of annoying.  I feel like he spends too much time telling me what I should be doing, rather than helping me actually do those things.

Class today made me realize why I'm not enjoying aikido as much as I enjoy karate.  In karate, there's never any negativity from anyone.  From Sensei to my classmates of all ranks, everyone is supportive.  When I do something incorrectly, I'm told, "try to do it this way" or just simply shown what to do.  No one ever says, "no no, you're doing it wrong."  I regularly hear from my senpai, "good job today."  Sensei doesn't give many compliments (which is why I always comment on the ones he DOES give...) but he's never, ever negative.  His energy is always positive.  The energy from people in aikido...?  For some reason, it's a little more critical.

After class today, I wasn't feeling that great, so I sulked in my room for a while... but sometime in the afternoon, my mother told me that it was really beautiful outside, and that she was going to sit out there and read.  So, I decided to join her, and train in the yard.  I practice my ukemi (front and back rolls) in the grass, worked on improving the form of my kata, practiced sandan gi and hiji ate, did basic punching and kicking... and talked to my mom.  It was actually really nice... For the first time, I didn't feel self conscious practicing outside in the yard.  I actually kiai'ed without feeling stupid.  That's progress, right?  I think I should train outside more in the future.  There something about the resulting dirty feet that makes me feel accomplished.

When I was talking to my mother (about martial arts, of course,) I realized why Sensei has become so important to me...  When I was younger, I always had a mentor of sorts... a teacher that I loved and respected.  Usually, it was a music teacher.  I would go to their classes, and just learn for the benefit of learning... listen to them just because I enjoyed listening... With these mentors, I never felt pressured.  I just felt joy.

When I went to college, I suddenly lost that kind of connection.  I had teachers that I liked, but never one that I loved.  Many of the teachers that I respected were overly strict, and I always felt more like I was working to avoid negative feedback than because I wanted to learn.  Classes became a burden, and I stopped being able to work without any expectations or pressure.  By the time I graduated, I felt horrible about myself and my accomplishments.

Then, suddenly, when I joined karate, I had that kind of teacher again... the kind that I haven't had since my high school choir director.  Someone who I feel is a good, kind, and positive person.  Someone who is knowledgeable and hard-working, and wants to see his students succeed.  Someone that makes me want to learn, just for the joy of learning...

I want to be that kind of person.  I want to be the positive influence that helps others succeed.  I want to help people find joy...

I might still train more today, but I kind of wanted to write my entry now.  I'm feeling kind of down, and my mother is all upset, and I thought writing about class would cheer me up...

Anyway, karate was great, as usual.  C-san had his 7th kyu test, and got a yellow belt.  It was nice to see him succeed, since he's always so hard on himself.  I feel kind of bad for him, since he's older and out of shape, and really has trouble with some of the things we do - from just getting through kata, to remembering terminology.  I definitely get the feeling that he compares himself to me too much, since we're close in rank.  I just hope he realizes that he's still doing well, and that I'm just progressing faster because: A. I'm young, flexible, and full of energy.  B. I go to class every day.  C. I know Japanese.  In other words, even if he gets a little jealous, I hope he still feels proud of how much he's progressed since he started.

The test was definitely grueling for him... He was constantly moving - something that he's definitely not used to.  We did basic punches and blocks, kata, keri waza, tanren, a bit of sparring...  (I REALLY NEED MY GEAR.)  My test will be coming up in a month or so, so it was kind of nice to learn what I should expect.  I have a feeling that Sensei will be going harder on me, though... so I'll need to get much stronger! :D

I'm trying to be patient with my fitness...  I know that I've gotten so much stronger than I was when I started... Plus, my balance and flexibility have improved dramatically.  But, I'm still not progressing as well as I'd like, and it's sometimes frustrating.  (This is aside from the weight issue.)  I can definitely do push-ups better than I could before, but they're still pretty bad.  My stances are lower and stronger than before... but I still struggle to do kokyu undo in shikodachi at the end of every class...  My kicks are much better, but my endurance during keri waza is still TERRIBLE...

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to improve strength and endurance throughout the day without having to devote hours and hours to "training?"  For example, exercises you like to do while watching TV or working at a desk?  What household items do you use to practice?  I have some light weights and a pull-up bar in the house (thanks to my brother) but no other equipment...

Oh, I think I got complimented again today.  As we sat in seiza after C-san was promoted, Sensei said, "I listen to everything I say..." and then he looked directly at me.  (I thought to myself, "... o... kay...?")  He then continued, "... and check to see if people were paying attention."  He then puts his hand up in a position we were talking about the other day and says, "That conversation we had the other day about this... I paid attention to what you did today."  And then, he nods at me.  I... THINK that meant my hand positioning was good...?  Although, I'm actually not quite sure... :)

Things to work on:

• sandan gi
• kata
• hiji ate
• general conditioning and strengthening exercises

So, yeah, I was kicked the face today... in aikido.  (This is getting ridiculous.)  Basically, I threw a girl, and she kicked her legs up in the air and whacked me smack in the glasses.  I really need to get contacts...

I haven't been able to go to aikido for over a week now, due to the 4th of July break, and my karate schedule.  Z-sensei doesn't teach on Friday, so there was a senpai there.  Actually, it was the senpai that was teaching the day I fell on my back really hard...  I think he's unlucky or something.

Something about that guy bugs me a little bit.  I feel like he's a little bit overly critical.  It's like he expects me to pick up techniques after just watching him walk through them a few times... and when I can't do them right away, instead of helping me through them, he'll just push me to the side and demonstrate them again.  (This is a beginner class, by the way.)  It's kind of frustrating.

Plus, I feel like he's constantly watching me.  I'll hear him from across the room... "Michele!  What are you doing over there?"  when, clearly, there are other people having just as much trouble as I'm having.  Come on, dude... give me some space.

To his credit, I feel like he's probably just trying to be friendly and "loosen me up" a little bit.  I think I come across as kind of serious and stiff in class... But, I wish he wouldn't look at me so often.  People staring at me freaks me out and gives me performance anxiety...

There were a lot of kids in class today... and by that I mean teenagers... but they seemed very young and small to me.  The girl that kicked me in the face seemed very young.  Now I think I understand why some guys might feel like they have to "go easy" on me.  When confronted with someone much smaller than I was, I couldn't help but think I was going to break her...  Granted, she was really skinny, and I'm pretty solidly built.  I don't think I look nearly as breakable.

I wish I had a better place to practice ukemi at home.  I need to get better quickly so I can focus on actual techniques and make the best use of class time.

I also went to karate today!!  (YAAAAYYY!! :D :D :D)

We did a lot of sandan gi (which is ALWAYS on my list of things to practice, but I NEVER practice it...) and I actually made some progress!  Before we started, Sensei said, "Okay, every time you move forward, it's a punch.  Every time you move backward, it's a block."  Now, why I didn't realize this before, I have no idea...  I mean, I guess I technically knew that... but it just never registered in my head that way.  So, between switching stances and trying not to get hit by my partner, I would always get confused as to whether I was punching or blocking... but, today  I actually got it!  I didn't do well or anything, but I actually got through without totally screwing up.  Amazing, isn't it?

I know some of you are thinking, "Duhh... Why would you step back and punch?"  Heh...

Although the major theme of today was MIRRORS.  Sensei kept stressing that I should "Buy a mirror.  Buy a big mirror."  so that I can see myself practice at home.  It's a good idea, actually... although I'm not sure where I'd put a big mirror...  The other major theme was "practice constantly."  Basically, Sensei wants me to walk around the mall doing tensho.  Heh...

Other things we did included ude tanren, kakie... lots of muchimi-related things... and, when my partner had to leave early, kihon dai san.  I seriously need to improve my kata...

Sensei told a story today of a teacher he once knew.... The teacher lived in a dangerous area, so kept a small gun strapped to his ankle.  One day, when demonstrating how to put the gun away, he managed to shoot himself in the hand, through the knuckle.  The moral of the story was, learn how to take out and put away your weapons.  (This gives me a ton of respect for iaido.)

Oh, also, I recently watched an anime called "Bamboo Blade" about girls that do kendo.  (It's a really cute show, so I'd recommend it for all you nerds out there.)  I was already interested in kendo before, but the show made into even more of a fangirl.  Unfortunately, the animation is such that it's hard to really learn anything much about techniques... but it did help me learn some terminology.  Namely, the names of different strikes: men, dou, kote, and tsuki.  This came in handy today when Sensei was drilling us on our Japanese during some kakie:

Sensei: "What's the word for hip?"
Me: "Kote!  No... Koshi!"
Sensei: "Yeah, kote is the name of a wrist strike in kendo... as opposed to a body strike, which is called..."
Me: "Dou!"
Sensei: "... and a head strike, which is called ..."
Me: "Men!"

I was so proud of myself...

Things to work on:

• sandan gi~
• kihon kata
• hiji ate
• ukemi
• practice more often!  (and with a mirror...)

The other day, when I was alone in class, Sensei made a comment that one of us needed to make more friends.  Well... I guess someone got the message.  Today, nine people showed up!

To some of you, that might still seem fairly small, but, considering that a normal class is between 4-5 people, it seemed really huge to me.  I've never seen so many people in the dojo before, except in photos.

It was such a weird mix too.  Lots of people from every rank.  Plus, the white belt that comes during the day (C-san) even came, and a white belt that I've never even met before was there!  Apparently he was a student a long time ago and just came back?  Unfortunately, I just got his first name.

Having so many lower ranking people there was actually kind of weird.  Instead of me and maybe one other person struggling to pick up techniques, a whole bunch of people were having problems.  It made class seem a little more chaotic than usual.

Today we worked mostly on punches, reaps, and leg-related joint locks.  It's the kind of thing that I really enjoy learning, but Sensei tends to push through really quickly, leaving me kind of confused.  I'm definitely getting better at joint locks, but some of the follow-through still messes me up.  Once I grab someone's foot, I usually get confused and stand there staring at them for a moment.  (That's not the most useful thing during a fight, you know.)

Since there were an odd number of people, one person had to sit out for some of the partner drills.  One time, I got partnered with C-san, and A-san (the one who says my name a lot) watched and helped us.  This was all fine and good... except for the fact that A-san starts yanking me off balance in the middle of my technique...

I fake a jab to C-san's head... drop down and pull his leg out from under him, grab hold of his foot, step over...  and then I'm supposed to sit back on him and roll to the side.  But, since I've never done this before, I'm kind of nervous... Plus, I don't want to hurt C-san.  He's one of the older guys in class, and in worse shape than most of the other students.  Was I supposed to sit right on him?  Was I supposed to just slam myself down on the floor behind him?  How was I supposed to fall?

So, I freeze there and try to figure it out.  A-san decides that the best way to remedy this is to pull on me.  However, this is not a good idea.  Pulling on me just makes me fall down.  It does not help me learn to fall correctly, nor does it help me work through the technique.  :p

So, he's pulling me backwards by my obi and I start freaking out.  "DON'T PULL ME!" I call.  "I'm not, I'm not," he insists.  (Except that he completely was.)  "STOP PULLING!"  I yell out again, and start to stumble backwards.  "I'm just helping you," he says, and keeps pulling me down.  "Sensei!"  I yell for help, frantically looking around the dojo, and try to grab a heavy bag for balance.

Thankfully, Sensei yells "yame!" and I manage to squirm out of the position without crushing C-san...

You know, despite my first impressions of him, I love A-san.  However, he can really be a big pain in the #$%.  :)

Big classes are crazy.  Crazy fun.  :)  Oh, and we also did shirtless sanchin and tensho stuff again.  Must be a summer thing.

Quote of the day:

Yellow belt whose name  nobody knows: She (meaning me) can do a full split!
Me: No, no, not yet.  Almost!  But, when I started, I was here!  *holds hand about a foot above the floor*
L-san: You were that small back then?

Things to work on:

• general shadow boxing
• full split!
• punch power
  
• better leg strength / shikodachi / sensitivity training
• sandan gi

Today was a one-on-one class again!  It actually hasn't happened in a long time now, so I was kind of surprised.  The last few Wednesdays, the other white belt (C-san) has shown up, or totally random people that usually come on Thursday have come.  Anyway, so, I was alone with Sensei again.

As usual, it was a bit awkward.  I know I should just suck it up, though.  I'm really lucky to keep getting all of these one-on-one classes for the same price as normal class.  Not too many people get that kind of opportunity.  (Plus, any opportunity to be with Sensei, right?)

Basically, we worked on kata-based things, which is typical for this kind of class.  Sensei will usually have me do the kata that I know, pick one or two techniques that look like they need to be stronger, and have me work on those.  Today it ended up being mostly muchimi (stickiness) while blocking, and (not surprisingly) front kicks.  My front kicks are still pretty terrible after all of this time.  Any tips on improving them?

I felt unusually reserved and distracted today, so my kata were really weak overall... and I kept forgetting to kiai in the right places...  Also, apparently I tense my shoulders when I kick.  Sensei thinks it's probably that I want it to feel stronger, so I'm trying to... flex in the air, kinda?  And I keep pulling my hands down from a proper punch when I go to kick... Bleh~

I got a lot of good general advice/information from Sensei today.  I won't go into anything in particular, but he talked a lot about the debates over the meaning of kata, and how many viewpoints are valid, etc.  (It's nice to know that Sensei shares the opinion I've developed over my short time researching on the internet.)  He also talked a bit about some of his old teachers, how certain techniques can be done in different ways depending on the school, how kihon can be different from the way you personally have to apply things because of your body type... Things like that.   I also got to see some neat pictures of him from when he was about my age.

Then, after class, the bizarre stories came out again.  You know, I'm not sure I know anyone with as many bizarre stories as Sensei.  I mean, it's not that they're altogether that weird on their own... It's just that he's able to connect so many of them together in such a short amount of time.  In any case, I was amused.  The theme today was fixing up apartments, and his weird relationship with wildlife. :)

Things to work on:

• MAE GERI, MAE GERI, MAE GERI!  Higher, faster, stronger, looser... and less moving my hands.
• kata in general (since they're getting sloppy)
• continuing to watch my eating habits
• the normal stuff

Karate always leaves me in a cheery mood, no matter how crappy my day has been.  I always come back home thinking that life is beautiful.

Today a guy came in to observe class with his girlfriend/wife, and I think it was a good day for him to come.  Nice and active... lots of advanced students, plus me.  Sensei got to demonstrate how hard he pushes us, but how he'll help out when we don't understand what's going on.  It was an intense, but friendly, class.  The guy was fairly young... maybe about my age?  I wonder if he'll sign up.

The two of them came in while I was changing before class.  Since the women's changing room is near the lobby, I could hear a bit of their conversation... and I realized something.  Sensei always makes girls laugh.  The same thing happened when H-san's girlfriend came to watch class that one time.  As I was getting changed, I could hear her giggling away at whatever Sensei was saying...  You know, if I had any right to be, I'd be jealous.  :)

Speaking of Sensei, I got another nice compliment today:

Sensei, to me, after having us do some elbow strikes as fast as possible: "You were almost first!  Now, either you're really fantastic, which I think you are, or they're having a bad day."

Sensei called me "really fantastic!" <3

You know, I've realized that this blog usually isn't so much a record of my training as it is a place for me to keep a record of the things Sensei says.  He'd probably be horrified if he found out.  He keeps telling me how it's important not to idolize your teacher...  Oh well~  Sorry, Sensei~ :D

And since I really should make a note of what we did today, we mostly focused on different applications of hiji ate (elbow strikes,) and did some hiza geri (knee kick,) shime waza (choking techniques,) and stance stuff... I had some trouble following along with the elbow strikes again, but pretty much figured out the basic movements by the end of class.  Hopefully, I'll do better next time.  Ciao!

Things to work on:

• new hiji ate stuff
• shadow boxing
• sandan gi... again
• GETTING EQUIPMENT
• continuing diet

Have you ever "done your best" before?

You know, I'm not sure I ever really have.  Maybe I've gotten close, but I don't think I can honestly say that I've tried my "best" at anything.  Even saying that I've gotten close seems like a stretch.

As a child of the 80's, I grew up with every movie, afternoon special, and picture book telling me that I could be whatever I wanted to be.  My parents, being good parents, reinforced the message... and to this day, I truly believe that, if I put my mind to something, there's nothing I can't accomplish.

Rock star?  I could be one if I tried.  Olympic ice skater?  It would be tiring, but I could do it.  Head of a non-profit organization that helps billions of people worldwide?  Sure, with some elbow grease.  Fluent in 10 languages?  Of course!

But... I'm none of those things... and it makes me feel like a failure.  Why, if I really believe that I can accomplish anything, (and I really do believe it,) haven't I already done something amazing?  What's my excuse?

Well, my excuse is that I've never really tried before.  I've never really set my mind to anything.  I've learned things, earned awards, created art and music... but I've never learned as much as I possibly could.  I've never worked as hard as I could to achieve a goal.  I've never created the most beautiful artwork I could imagine.

But, why not?

Today, as I sat on my couch with the TV on and my computer on my lap, this really started to bother me.  I thought, "Why am I just sitting here?  What am I accomplishing?"  Naturally, being the center of my life right now, my thoughts drifted to training.

"I'm overweight, weak, and slow... and yet I study karate.  What kind of karateka am I?  Why am I sitting here watching TV and thinking of eating junk food?  Why, being so bored, am I not trying to accomplish something great?"

I decided to go into the basement and exercise.  I ended up doing 10 miles on the treadmill, about 7 of which were power walking, and the rest, running.  I did sit-ups, push-ups, and lifted weights.  I did kata.  The whole time I told myself, "Do your best.  Do your best."

And did I do my best?  Certainly, I did more than normal.  Certainly, I pushed myself harder than I usually do.  But, my best?  No.  I didn't do my best.  When my body cried out to me, I stopped running.  I stopped doing sit-ups.  I stopped doing kata.

But, my body lies.  I could have run just one more mile.  I could have done just one more sit-up.  I could have done just one more kata.  In my opinion, if I haven't passed out from exhaustion... if I can still move... I haven't done my best.

I often think about the limits of my body.  If I were forced to run until I couldn't go on any longer, how far could I go?

And why didn't I run that far today?

Have I been more enthusiastic lately?  Hm... maybe.  That can't be bad, though, right?

Today was a nikyu (2nd kyu) test in karate!  As I've mentioned before, all tests at my dojo, except for black belt tests, are unannounced... and I love it.  I think it's a really great way to test.  First of all, you can't spend any time freaking out ahead of time, and I think that's a really positive thing.  By the time you realize you're being tested, you're too focused to get nervous.  Also, that way, you know you'll never miss your test date, and you know you'll only be tested when you're ready to progress.  Plus, it's just kind of exciting.  Or, actually... extremely exciting.

Although, unannounced tests are also just a bit scary.  When I knew my hachikyu test was coming up, I started to freak out a little bit.  But, I think that was mostly because I had no idea what I'd be tested on.  I'm not as nervous about my nanakyu (or is it shichikyu?) test... although maybe I should be?

So, yeah, the test was awesome.  By the end, it looked like V-san (the one being tested) was going to die.  He could barely stand, and Sensei kept yelling at him, "Head up!  Zanshin!  Get in there!"

As a white belt, there's not too much I can do during tests, but I was pretty active the whole time.  I even got to act as uke on one of the techniques I worked on yesterday!   (Very clever, Sensei... having me practice my ukemi before the test...)  Mostly I did keri waza (kicking techniques) and random things like kakie and shoving V-san when he was trying to stay in shiko dachi.  (Sensei called that one, "helping him out."  I think he might have disagreed.)

So, I think my favorite part of tests is when Sensei sends all of the senpai to attack the testee at once.  Or, maybe it's when he kicks them in the crotch during sanchin.  I have to admit that's pretty amusing.  :)

Tests always give me bruised knees because of the amount of times I jump up and down from seiza... and they're always my biggest and most intense-looking bruises too, which kind of annoys me.  See, in my opinion, there are three types of bruises.  They are, from coolest to lamest: #1. The kind you get because you hit something hard.  #2. The kind you get because you were hit hard.  And #3. The kind you get because you accidentally knock into something.  Seiza bruises are totally #3.

Oh! Oh!  And ,guess what!! Guess what!!  I almost did a split today during warm-ups!! Like, A REAL SPLIT!!  My knees can even touch the floor now!  I just need to get my butt a little closer to the floor... about three inches, maybe?  I was so surprised!  I have no idea why I'm suddenly more flexible.  I guess all of my stretching has just started to add up?  Or, maybe it was all the extra energy in the air today.  :D

Ah, so fun... A great class for before vacation.  But now I have to deal with having no class for the next three days...  What will I do???

Things to work on:

• finishing off that split!
• kicking
• endurance
• sandan gi (this will be pretty important soon)

I have a feeling this is going to be a long, rambling entry, so run away now if you're not into that kind of thing.  :)

I'll start out by talking about my home training, since talking about class is going to take a while.  Basically, the other day, I strapped some weights to my belt, and have been wearing them around the house.  I figure an extra few pounds on my hips will help burn a few calories and strengthen my legs without the problems ankle weights seem to cause.  I've also been trying to be continally active all day, whether it be standing around balancing on one foot, dancing in my bedroom, or doing a few kata during commercials.  This will become a lifestyle change~ I swear to you~

So, class.  Today's a Wednesday.  Usually, this means that there's a small class full of low-ranked people, and Sensei has us do kihon kata or something slightly more catered to our individual needs.  Well, It was nearly time to start, and I was still the only one on the floor, so I figured, "I guess I'll be alone again today..."  (Not that I mind being alone anymore.)  But, to my surprise, two people that NEVER show up on a Wednesday actually showed up - a black belt, and a first kyu brown belt.

We started out with a typical warm-up, and then Sensei says he going to go through "all of the kata," (meaning, I guess, all of the kata that the brown belt, D-san, has learned so far,) and do short bunkai.  So, I sit in the back, and prepare myself for long-term seiza.  After all, if the class was going to be all about kata I don't know, I figured I wouldn't be doing too much.

So, the two guys get through gekisai dai ichi... and when they finish, Sensei calls me back up again.  We do a technique from the kata, I get kind of lost but struggle through, I sit down again, and the guys move on to gekisai dai ni, etc. etc.  Sensei tells me, "Don't worry about these.  Just follow along."  After a few kata, the bunkai get fairly confusing, and I start flailing around and trying to at least slightly approximate something kind of, sort of, similar to what Sensei wants us to do.

Then, after doing the bunkai for some green or brown belt level kata, Sensei turns to me, and says, (with a long intro about how teachers these days baby their students,) that, even though they're above my level, he's having me go through the bunkai because he sees that I'm capable of following along.

Now, I guess it doesn't sound all that impressive out of context... but, that was, by far, the biggest compliment I've ever gotten from Sensei.  It meant so much more to me than any of the times he's said something I did was "good," or even that one time he told me some strike was "subarashii."  I was so ridiculously proud...

After we went through all the kata, we repeated the techniques a few times, and then paired up to actually apply them.  Sensei called me up to be his uke.  (This also made me ridiculously happy, since, as you all know, I <3 my sensei and cherish any chance I get to work with him~)  My ukemi was fairly awful, but I think aikido practice probably did help a litte bit.  (I have major trouble falling well when swept...  My elbow likes the ground, you see.)

At the end of class, Sensei calls me up to do kihon dai san on my own, despite not having practiced it at all during class.  Needless to say, I was kind of flustered, and I screwed up in a number of places.  But, after class, D-san told me that, despite my messing up, he thought it was the strongest kata he'd seen from a woman in the dojo.  In other words, when I wasn't screwing up, it looked pretty good.

All of the compliments (well, technically "the few compliments") I got today made me realize something.  I really have no concept of how well I'm doing in class.  There's no one else at my rank, except for one older guy that doesn't show up much, so everyone else I see is much more experienced and skilled than I am.  Since I have no one to whom I can compare myself, I've always just kind of assumed that I'm doing averagely.  After all, I've never been good at any sports, so I figured this would be the same.  Actually, I rarely even think about my progress.  Class has always been so much more about just loving to train, rather than loving the results of training.  Everything has just been one day at a time...

But, what if I'm actually pretty good?  Hm.  It's kind of a weird thought.

After class, I was feeling cheery and bold, so I thought I'd take a chance and stop by Sensei's office to ask him when his birthday is.  (I think I finally figured it out?)  I ended up staying until 11:00 chatting with Sensei and D-san about stupid things we've said or done in the past, (although Sensei actually left at around 10:00.)  It was nice to finally have a conversation with Sensei where I felt like there was a little more give and take, and with a classmate where I didn't feel like I was struggling awkwardly to make small talk.  Plus, it's always nice to learn a little more about people outside of their dojo roles.

So, yeah... I could keep going and talk about all of the embarrassing things I've learned about people tonight, but I think I should just stop and take a shower.  Have a great day, everyone~

Quote of the day... Sensei, to me, on bunkai:  "You don't have to remember any of this when you leave today.  Just remember the experience... and that it was good."  Sounds kind of dirty, doesn't it?

Things to work on:

• not screwing up kata
• vaguely remembering the bunkai I learned today
• BUYING SPARRING EQUIPMENT
• continuing to eat less
• sandan gi, hiji ate, etc. etc.

Aikido today for the first time in a week.

I felt a little awkward again, but I think it's mostly because I'm not going as often as I should be.  When I started karate, I went nearly every day, (and have been doing the same since,) so my abilities have only improved.  With aikido, my attendance has been more off and on, so even if I feel totally comfortable with a technique one day, after a day or so of not doing it, I'll lose it.  And aikido is the type of thing that I really can't practice on my own in my house...

Plus, different people keep teaching class, and I work with different partners all the time.  In other words, I haven't had the opportunity to make too many friends yet.  Plus, everyone I work with seems to give slightly different advice about my aikido... from ukemi to throws to basic dojo etiquette.  It's kind of confusing.

I sometimes wonder if I'm not learning too many advanced techniques too early on.  The classes I attend always seem to be the ones in which the instructor decides to make things a bit more complicated than usual.  But, I guess that could also be viewed as a positive thing.

I'm kind of babbling now... Just ignore my rambling if it doesn't make sense.  I'm kind of distracted.

I'm really trying my best to eat healthily lately.  (Or, rather, I'm doing my best to eat less. I usually eat fairly healthy foods.)  I really need to lose weight...  But it's really hard to not snack when I'm sitting around the house.  Plus, I'm a huge foodie, and I love to cook...  I need to think of more things to do when I'm not working or training - especially at night when I can't really go out.  If only class were more often...

Things to work on:

• See yesterday.  Same stuff.  Too lazy to update it~

I love my dojo.  I love my dojo I love my dojo I love my dojo.

Can you tell I love my dojo?

And we didn't even do anything particularly interesting today.  Or, no... that's wrong.  It was interesting.  What I guess I meant was, nothing particularly unexpected happened.  Or... maybe that's wrong too?

We started out with some breathing exercises related to tensho and sanchin kata.  (Yep, more topless kata.  Somehow I always know when we're going to do those.)  It's amazing how tiring breathing exercises can be.  There's hardly any movement, but I always end up dripping with sweat - even more than when I'm doing push-ups.  I also get a little lightheaded sometimes... I wonder if that's a bad sign.

We also did some other exercises to improve muchimi (stickiness)... Some more kakie (push hands,) some work with the bags and blocks, hiji ate (elbow strikes,) and shotei uchi (palm heel strikes,) etc.  And we used chiishi!  (I love old-school training implements.)  I even got a normal-sized one today, rather than the slightly lighter one.  Is this progress?

So... why did all that leave me in love with my dojo?  You know, I really have no idea.  I just left feeling like I was on cloud 9.  It's amazing how happy class can make me.  In fact, it almost hurts to leave.  I always want to stick around the entrance for hours, talking to Sensei and my classmates and soaking in the atmosphere... but that's a little weird, and I don't want to freak out anybody.  I should invite some people out for coffee or something after class one day...

Did I mention that I'm working with autistic kids this summer?  They're big... 10-12 years old... so if they get unruly, we can't just hold their arms down like with smaller kids.  So, one of the first things the head teacher taught us was the take-down we should use.  He's already had to do it twice on one of the newer, more dangerous (as in, he hits when he gets upset) kids.  It's definitely going to be an interesting summer~

I think my back has finally healed enough that I can go to aikido tomorrow.  Finally... I was really starting to feel like I was wasting money.

To finish off my entry, here's a paraphrased quote about breathing exercises from Sensei:  "Did anyone see the Hulk?  No?  Well, there's one part where he's not breathing correctly, and his teacher slaps him.  I was thinking, 'Man, I want to do that.'"

Things to work on:

• breathing
• mawashi uke, awase tsuki
• sandan gi
• perfecting kata