I've been away from TMA for a while...

Home sick today. I just took my meds with food, so that should be helping soon. I am happily nestled in my favorite comfy jeans and my new favorite hoodie sweatshirt... now if the pain would just go away.

I'm very happy to be coming out of three weeks of utter blah. I can't exactly say what it was, but I had absolutely no motivation, drive, spirit, strength, energy, etc... for anything, even Aikido. There were actually days that Brian and I went to the dojo and I didn't have the desire to train. I talked to Sensei about it and he says everyone gets worn down from time to time. I figured as much, but it's still good to hear it from him. Monday night I finally felt like myself again. When our two hours of training were over, I still had energy left over. I wanted two more. I am so excited about the upcoming seminar in Chicago. It's the first weekend of December. I have this feeling it's going to be great... too bad Brian will be soaking up the sun and kicking back in Florida. Poor guy. ;-P

While he's away, I'll be staying with Sensei and Chris. Brian and I have spent the night there before, but staying there with them through five days will be different. Training every day, having each meal with them, seeing Sensei go to work, come home, watching Chris study, etc. I've promised to help Chris paint the living room. I love painting and it looks like she could use the help.

I think my meds are finally kicking in. Time to get to the housework. Hopefully I will have some time to dedicate to drawing and writing tonight, maybe some profiles, not that there is a rush. I need to make some more jewelry for my stand at work. Sales have been good. Not fantastic, but good and steady and some sections are getting pretty barren on my rack.

Ultimate Fighter tonight! Wooo~! I love you, Nogueira... even if you are an ape-faced beast of a man. I just love you. I so want you to beat the snot out of Mir so you can go up against Lesner... and hopefully beat the poo out of him too. Anyone have any feelings about the Couture - Lesner fight Saturday? Was that not one of the most depressing things you've ever seen? What did Lesner ever do to deserve fighting Couture?

We've returned from the Chiba Seminar at Fox Valley Aikikai. TK Chiba is the founder of our association, Birankai International, and was a 4th generation uchi-deshi (live-in student) of O'Sensei himself. You can read more about him here.

Sensei and Chris picked us up Friday afternoon for the drive down. The ride was pretty uneventful, if you disregard the constant bickering and nannering between those two. They must thrive on it. Brian and I just giggled together in the back seat. The hotel was just as mediocre, yet adequate as I remembered it. They supposedly renovated since we'd been there last, but I couldn't tell. Though we'd been volunteered for clean-up duty at the dojo, we were never called upon, so we got to eat out at an awesome Japanese steakhouse with my buddy who lives in the area and hang out while we waited for our other two dojo comrades to arrive. They got incredibly lost and a 3 hour drive ended up taking them 6 hours, but they were in remarkably good spirits.

That night, I laid awake quite a bit. I had my ipod hanging on the corner of the bed in case Sensei's snoring kept me up. It's practically legendary. I was surprised that I didn't hear a thing. I managed to get some rest and in the morning, we had IHOP for breakfast before heading to the dojo. I was so incredibly nervous, it was ridiculous.

Mat space was hard to come by. I was unable to participate in some of the warm-up drills because of space. We thankfully did not do much rolling at all, not that I care at this point about what people think of my abilities anymore. I just wanted to be able to survive the seminar. Browne Sensei taught the first hour, then second was taught by Apodaca Sensei and third by Savoca Sensei. We broke for lunch and I got an awesome iced chai and caesar salad at Panera Bread. We ate in our hotel room and let our sweaty uniforms air out. I think I'm a big fan of the two hour lunch breaks. It actually gives you a little time to eat and let it settle. We also had time to shower, which was nice as opposed to hurrying to eat and get back in time so you can put your sweaty (and now cold) gi back on.

Chiba Sensei led the last three hours of Saturdays training. I don't have a lot to say about the training itself. A lot of it was review. I was mostly impressed with Chiba's demonstrations of techniques I've seen before... at how little he had to move in order to manipulate his uke. It was also intimidating to watch him throw around his student, Savoca Sensei. It was particularly interesting as I'd found Savoca to be very intimidating when he led a weekend long seminar at our dojo back in May. So seeing him humbled in front of everyone was a key point of interest for me. I think I even whispered "holy crap" to the person next to me.

I think the most difficult part of day for me was when I was in the dead center of the mats. The training area was raised and spring loaded, so when you were in the very middle, the floor moved a lot. I may have never mentioned it here before, but I'm sort of claustrophobic. Most of the time it just causes me a little discomfort, but this time, completely surrounded by people, getting bumped into and with the whole floor moving. I felt very disoriented and felt as though I couldn't breath. I didn't really freak out, but my eyes started watering and I started panting. Even still, I didn't stop training. The guy I was working with seemed very concerned for me and when we were finished, he told me to get off the tatami and take a quick break. I tried to find him at the end of the day and apologize to him, but I never saw him again. I'm surprised my claustrophobia hasn't bothered me before this, though I am glad that it's a very mild case.

I have a nice bruise on my wrist from blocking one of Brian's attacks. I twisted my finger on someone's wrist, further pissing off my bad knuckle. That knuckle has been getting worse, not better and it's really beginning to concern me. It's beginning to interfere with things that should be a big deal, like catching myself and putting weight on that hand. I HOPE it's just a bad sprain. Urgh.

We all went out to dinner then got ice cream, picked up some alcohol and headed back to the hotel. We showered, put our uniforms in the wash and kicked back. I swam in the hotel pool and soaked in the hot tub for a little bit. Chris joined me and we had some good girl talk before heading back up. Fart jokes run rampant. No one had too much to drink this time. I was all ready tired enough to sleep when I had a little vodka mixer and then that put me out completely.

We had breakfast at Pancake Cafe and I was feeling pretty crappy. I didn't participate in the first hour of Sunday's training. I took a lot of pictures for Chris, then put my gi on and got ready to jump in after the first break. We did some disarming techniques where I mostly worked with some newer students who were quick to tell me "I don't know what I'm doing!" so I walked a few people through techniques that I'd never done before. I must not be the hard case I think I am, haha.

I worked with this one guy who I gave my bokken to so he could watch me do the technique and try to understand it. I backed up and was looking around me to make sure we had room and when I turned my head to look back at him, the end of the bokken was hitting me in the face. I'm of the school that you should be ready for the attack at all times... but you should at least wait for your partner to be looking in your general direction and have at least enough control to not actually whack them in the face.

We all thought the training for Sunday was supposed to go for three hours, but Chiba ended training after only two. I had Starbucks for the first time and I have to say, my vanilla latte with soy milk was delicious. I'm impressed. When we got back, Brian and I sat around the condo all evening, got plenty of sleep, had a lazy morning and sat around for most of the day Monday until it was time to leave for class.

Class last night was awesome. I didn't get hung up on many of the techniques first hour. There were some techniques that I've done before, but I don't know their names or how to even describe them. Second hour we worked on the same jo kata we'd been working on before, but everyone was much further advanced in it than I was. I got along all right, but there were times I would get stumped at one particular place and by the time I figured out how to progress from that point, everyone else was three or four steps ahead of me. It was difficult to keep up, but Brian knows it pretty well, so I'll get him to help me practice and perhaps then I'll be up to speed.

I'm well rested and I feel pretty good despite some digestive issues. I'm disappointed I have to wait until Saturday for more training.

I'm all a-twitter about this weekend. Brian and I will be riding with Sensei and Chris to Naperville, where TK Chiba Sensei will be giving a seminar. We're sharing a room with Sensei and Chris (or potentially Max and Phil... though probably not, because I doubt the two will want to share a bed, haha!) We're signed up to help clean Friday night.

I'm nervous... very, very nervous, but very excited too. I heard that Apodaca Sensei will teach a portion of the seminar, as will Savoca Sensei. I'm foreseeing a lot of breaks needed.

OH yeah! I have, in my hands, a finished t-shirt. They turned out so bad-ass! Sensei is very pleased. Actual photos to be posted... probably after this weekend. I'll feel slightly better about having my picture taken again as I've dropped down a jeans size... I repeat: I've dropped down a size in jeans! WOOOO! :-)

Man... this season of The Ultimate Fighter looks like it's going to be crazy. Can't believe Guida's brother was such a punk about not making weight. Doesn't he know how to be prepared for this stuff? Looks like there's going to be some great fighters this season though! Does anyone know if Evan's brother made it in to the fighter house? They either haven't played it or I missed it somehow...?

I was slightly disappointed with the Contender: Muay Thai tonight. My guy lost.... but on the other hand, the fellow who beat him was my runner up, so I can't be too upset. It stings a little to have my guy lose though, only a week after Danzig lost to Guida in the Octagon just a week ago during the live broadcast. Oh well... such is life! Fight another day.

On the polar opposite side of my life - I've become a Mark Representative. Don't know what Mark is? it's basically Avon under a different brand name with a different line of products.... so yup, I'm an Avon Lady. Jokes have all ready started flying around. "She's got good stand up and excellent ground game, but her weaknesses are lipstick and scented bath products." It's kinda funny.

Better get to bed. It's going to be a long weekend, starting tomorrow!

Mostly ecstasy... it was quite a weekend! Class saturday, spending the night at Sensei's, then an Iaido seminar with Nicklaus Suino on Sunday and then another class last night featuring randori. I am BTFU. Ow.

I'm so glad that I have nothing pressing to do today. My entire body hurts. I can't even get comfortable laying in bed... not that that mattered, as a woman looking for magazine subscriptions for charity called the home phone and woke me up out of bed. Twenty issues of Official Playstation Magazine for $30, not too bad and it is the Special Olympics. Good cause.

Class on Saturday was a blast. We worked on sankyo, which would be my second or third time on it, the first time with the pin. I didn't realize it was a different pin from nikkyo at first, so for the first 20 - 30 minutes, I was doing the wrong pin and either no one realized it (they can't exactly see what I'm doing when they're smushed into the mat) or no one said anything. Second hour we did jo work and it was the first time the jo didn't feel totally awkward in my hands. (I swear my first two jo class, it was like I never held a stick in my hands before in my life!) We worked on a kata that I think is called kumi jo. It's pretty long and I got parts of it confused for other parts in it, but other than that I was doing pretty well, I think. I know I was paired with Sensei a lot and he constantly had this huge grin on his face.

I finally asked him "what are you smiling so big about?" and he just laughed and we continued. There's a part where one person hooks the end of the jo over the other person's wrist and pulls their hand off their jo. We got to that part and he said, "isn't that just bad ass?" I agreed that, yes, it was, but I wasn't smiling because I was concentrating so hard. It was awesome though.

We went out to lunch with Sensei and Chris and Brian and I ran home to wash our uniforms and pack. Mom agreed to come over and stay with our dog over night, so we didn't have to worry about her. We went over to Sensei's and watched the Liddel & Evans fight. That was crazy. I like Lidell, but I have to admit, my Michigan-pride was happy when Evans got the win. When Chuck went down, limp in mid air, Sensei yelled, "He's dead!" They show the replay from the back and you can see the vertebra in the back of his neck pop out. It was pretty sick. Crazy thought: I wonder what a Chuck Lidell and Forrest Griffin match-up would be like...

So we stayed up until 4:30am, watching the undercard fights, playing Mario Kart and talking. Speaking of karting, during a match with Sensei, he drove me off a bridge and into the lava. He laughed so hard that we all thought he was going to start crying. It was too funny. There was a lot of smack talk, but it seemed like everyone had their turns at taking 1st place. So... not getting to bed until 4:30am with a seminar the next day... not really very smart, but we made it.

The Iaido seminar with Nicklaus Suino was awesome. Turn out was much smaller than last time and while that bothered me in some ways, it was very beneficial to us in others. We had more one on one time and were able to get through more material. We went through EIGHT different kata. We have a LOT to practice until he comes back. He also stayed longer than he was scheduled for. I began having difficulties in the last 20 - 30 minutes. My legs were worn out from all the lunging and after a while, I couldn't control them very well. I fell forward on a lunge and after a while, I wasn't able to lower myself to one knee in a slow, smooth motion. I'd get to one point and then I'd plop because I had no strength left. The forms, at times, don't look like much, but the foot positions make it difficult for me to keep good balance and I tend to wobble. I sweat quite a bit, while others hardly did at all. I know these are probably minor things and relatively common for other beginners. I'm not really complaining... I mean, it was my second class. These were just my observations. I'm excited that Brian and I get to practice with each other. We'll be adding it to our repertoire for open mat sessions.

So my arms and especially my legs were very sore for class last night. First hour we worked on ukemi skills, which is a tremendous weak point for me. The class was very difficult for me and there were times I wasn't keeping up. I hurt both of my shoulders again, mostly from doing roll-out yoko ukemi (side falls). Then I had some nasty sharp pains in them while doing forward breakfalls, which are normally very simple. I couldn't stop myself from collapsing on my side. When we lined up after that, I felt like I could cry a little. I bit my finger, took a deep breath and concentrated on what Sensei was teaching. By the end of first hour, I was very frazzled and hurting, so I asked Sensei if I could take a little breather. I went and put my tank top in because, though I've been getting away with not having to wear it, my tie down straps weren't preventing my gi from coming open in the front. When I was done with that, everyone was having their water break in the sitting area, so I went and sat at the front of the mats and watched the cool rain falling and tried to pick myself back up mentally. I feel improvement. I can get downtrodden very quickly and it's something I'm working on... but I do feel improvement. I know it's not an easy thing I'm doing. Sensei himself has pointed it out that I am way too self-critical. I'm working on it, I swear! Sitting by myself for a few minutes almost always help me clear my mind so I can keep going and this was no different.

Second hour was randori! We reviewed a few simple maneuvers and then got right to it. I didn't volunteer for the first or second round, but I was determined to bury my hardships from last hour and get back into the swing of things so I volunteered to take ukemi several times right away, without being called on. This was only my second experience with randori. I would say something like I didn't do very well... but I had my good moments and my moments of utter confusion. With as sore as my legs were, I wasn't moving very quickly. I also had a tendency to stand away while the other two attackers were on the defender and wait for an opening. We're all supposed to go in and try to overwhelm him at the same time. It's hard to make myself go in there when arms are flailing and you don't know which direction someone is about to get thrown. Gotta keep trying, right?

My first time up, I didn't feel like I was able to do anything and actually, I barely remember it. It was just twenty seconds of chaos. My second time up, I actually remember little bits and pieces. I had two of the biggest guys in class and one wiry guy. Tyler, a little wiry guy (I think I weigh more than he does), Brian who's 6', 180ish pounds? and Phil... who is a giant at 6'4", 280lb. I got stuck in the corner right away. Sensei was yelling at me, "Get out of the corner! Move! Move! Move!" With all three of them on me and my legs practically useless with exhaustion, I was never able to get out of the corner. Again, I only remember bits and pieces. I think I threw Tyler once. I know I did irimi nage twice or more. My hand was in Brian's face once. Phil got a good grip on both my wrists (I think) and I couldn't get rid of him the same way I had the others, so I remember stepping to the side and doing something and feeling him go over my back. I heard some kind of reaction out of the people watching, but it was a distant observation. When it was over and we all bowed, Phil sat near and and said "nice koshinage!" I, of course, had heard that term before, but for the life of me, couldn't remember which technique that was. I was informed that it was a hip throw. Did I really hip throw that huge guy???

So then I volunteered to be uke for several more randori and really wasn't able to give good attack. I think it was a combination of being so slow from sore muscles and the fact that I was always with the BIG GUYS who were just too efficient for me to feel like I could really get into the fray. A lot of that is mental. I just need to find a bit more courage and get to it.

As I type this, I am in pain. I am so sore all over. I thought I was barely going to be able to get out of bed this morning, but it's not as bad as I'd thought. Still, it's pretty bad, haha. What a weekend! What a blast! Phew!

We've returned from a long, long weekend. Brian (trainMA username = bugeisha) and I decided to skip Saturday class and go camping which is always fun. We camp on his parents remote, wooded 20 acres. They intend to build their house there, but for now, Brian and his father were finishing the barn. I helped my mother-in-law (who also happens to be one of my best friends) plant shrubs. We went down to the creek where they recently replaced the culver. There is a large mound of rich, black soil leftover and we filled bags of it and filled jugs of water in the creek. As she walked around the creek bed, she managed to find an area where the ground LOOKED solid, but wasn't. She sunk into the sludge almost up to her hips and was stuck... and I mean STUCK stuck. I eventually had to get the shovel that we used for the black soil and DIG her out. I'm not kidding! I'm glad I was with her.

Since we skipped during the weekend, we went to day class yesterday. It was SO MUCH FUN. First we worked on empty hand techniques against bokken, then disarming bokken vs. bokken. Then we touched on some drills, a few of which were very long and rather like a kata or 2-person form. Then we all went out for lunch at TGI Fridays downtown. Brian and I spent the rest of the day eating ice cream on the couch and sitting around the condo. Yesterday was also our anniversary, but we didn't feel like doing anything very special for it. We spent the long weekend together and we were happy, so... isn't that what counts? Hard to believe it's been 2 years all ready. We've been together 8.5 total.

Art time! I so rarely post finished pieces, so this is a pleasure to share. It is not martial arts related, unless you count the sword, which is katana-like in its shape. Click the thumbnail banner to view the full image.

Man, I really need to update my site.

Today was so much fun. Brian (bugeisha) and I headed over to the dojo for open mat training. Open mat is just a block of time that members may come in and train on their own. Sensei is there to offer some guidance as well, but it's not class. Since Brian and I just passed our tests, it isn't really time for us to cram yet, but it never hurts to train. Since Brian just took the test that I'll be taking (six months away or more), I have a bit of an advantage. After we were done training, we went out to eat with Sensei and his girlfriend (and fellow student) and then played Mario Kart on their Wii for a few hours. Oh, the smack talk. Oh, the rivalry. It was brutal... and a hell of a lot of fun.

I am pretty sore and a little worried about how I'll do in tomorrow night's class. On Saturday, I got my elbow wrenched pretty bad. I iced it for an hour Saturday night while Brian and I watched four hours of UFC. Then during open mat today, I jammed my fingers into Brian's hand. My left hand ring finger knuckle is cranky now. It was swollen for a while, but I also iced it and I can almost get my wedding ring back on. It hurts to grip things very tightly in that hand though. Ouchies.

On to the sketches and drawings...

I hate to have to do this, but I have to give my little disclaimer. These drawings cannot be used for anything without my permission, not even on personal websites. My aikido-related art is frequently used by our dojo (tshirts, brochures, student manual, etc). The last one is the design of the front of the tshirts for our members. The kanji reads Kyoseikan Dojo.

 

If you're interested in seeing more, you can jump over to my art site, Broken Tao.

A little over a month ago I was a particpipant in Shochugeiko (intense summer training) at Shinjinkai Headquarters in Chicago. It was a grueling six-hour long training session. It wasn't that we did anything that strenuous. It was because the dojo was purposely closed up without air conditioning.

At one point, we were put in large groups. One person was performing techniques on people in line. My Sensei was directly behind me in line. When it was my turn to have the technique done on me, I was thrown back toward the line. Everyone got out of the way. Instead of doing a whole backward roll, I threw my arm out to slap the mat and stop myself because I was running out of mat. I managed to stop myself, but my arm went over the edge of the mat and I banged my elbow on the hardwood flooring pretty bad. I remember holding my arm and looking up at Sensei who had this huge smile on his face. My elbow barely bruised and never hurt very much after it happened. It formed a really hard spot where it happened and every now and then it hurt when I leaned it on hard surfaces. It was no big deal.

Fast forward to today, we finished class and Brian and I went out to lunch with Sensei and his girlfriend, Chris. On the drive back home, I peeled a flake of skin off the hard spot on my elbow because it was kind of itchy. I didn't realize it right away, but I opened up something on my elbow and stuff started coming out. I dabbed it off with a tissue and gave it a little squeeze. A LOT more junk came out and so did WOOD. Little pieces of WOOD FLOORING.

Yesterday was another anniversary of the death of my old boyfriend and fellow martial arts enthusiast. In his early childhood, Bill grew up with his mother and uncle, who was a Muay Thai teacher. He used to tell me stories about him doing his morning push ups with Bill sitting on his shoulders and teaching him things. We got to know each other when he whipped Street Fighter II Turbo (when it was still NEW) out of his backpack at school, proudly showing another student. We struck up a conversation and it eventually led to him bringing the game over to my house and playing it on my SNES in my room for hours.

Bill taught me things that his uncle taught him. We sparred with friends in his backyard and in his family's living room when his mother and step-father weren't home (I'll never forget the hole we put in the plaster wall that we tried to cover up with a quilt). He had a wicked flying knee that I'm glad that I was never the recipient of. We watched bad, campy martial arts movies (and thought they were awesome) then tried things that we saw in the movies on each other, most of the time resulting in ultimate dorkery. We saw one capoeira movie and thought we knew capoeira. We were silly kids. We had no problems wrestling on the ground in compromising positions, but when we finally confessed our secret romantic feelings for each other, we were too shy to kiss right away. He gave me a sword a few days before he died (It's the one in my senior portrait in my album here on trainMA). I still take good care of it and it's due for another cleaning.

He died only twelve days after his nineteenth birthday. He had just begun helping teach children's classes at a Kuk Sool Won dojo he was a member of. He went out for a motorcycle ride with a friend after class when they slid on gravel on a curve and crashed into a telephone pole. I found out that he had died later in the evening when he didn't show to pick me up for our date. Thirteen years later, I am a grown woman with a husband who is also my best friend and dojo comrade, but I will always remember my old martial arts buddy and keep a special place for him in my heart.

My lovely monthlies really came through for me this month! Ugh. I wasn't able to participate in class last night but I still went so I could watch. Mata Sensei said he had some paperwork for me to do, but then only brought two double-spaced pages he wanted me to proof-read. That took me all of five minutes. Just watching and not participating burns. Especially when it was all stuff I've been wanting to learn or work on, like unbendable arm. The kokyudosa wouldn't have gone over well with my cramps though. Second hour was jo work, which I've only had one class in. Grrr!

As I am constantly drawing, I can easily sketch and pay attention at the same time. So I doodled the entrance of the dojo a little bit.

I hardly ever do any actual sketching in sketchbooks anymore. It's almost always just on the computer. Apologies for the sloppy scan.

I'm so glad my sensei is understanding about all this stuff. I can't imagine trying to do this class with someone who was hard to talk to. I don't like talking about it, but it beats having him thinking I'm just wussing out of class for the day or having to guess about what's wrong with me. We have a lot of young women at our dojo, two of them are part of the Shugyosei Program. They live in the dojo, similar to uchi-deshi, but it is only a three month program instead of a full year. So when I told him, he just kind of laughed and said, "You're not the only one. It's been a great week at the dojo!"

Frank Apodaca Sensei lead a 3 hour seminar on weapons at our dojo today. I was expecting to do some jo work as well as bokken, if not touch on all three of the weapons of Aikido, but the entire three hours was focused on bokken. That's not really a problem with me as I have a special fascination with it. I had a ton of fun and learned a lot. There was a particular block that was extremely difficult for me. Apodaca Sensei corrected me everytime and moved my bokken and hands for me until they were right. I swear there was no way I could ever do it correctly on my own... at least not right now. After some strength training and stretching to gain more flexibility, I may be able to pull it off.

Bokken work, I think, is actually my favorite part of Aikido. I just love it. I have a few lovely bruises on my hands as well as a skinned knuckle. I'm not complaining, mind you. Complaining about scuffed knuckles in a martial arts class would be like walking on hot coals and complaining of burnt feet. I worked mostly with Brian (my husband, "bugeisha" here on trainMA) and Ryan. Things went well, but I'm definitely going to feel it in the morning... in my calves, hands and shoulders. I need stronger hands. My hands are so tiny compared to regular people. I wonder if it's harder for me to control the bokken because of that?

Turn out for the seminar was horrible. There were only eight of us, counting Apodaca Sensei. I was pretty shocked and disappointed because it makes the chances of Apodaca Sensei returning to give another weapon seminar less likely. I had more to say, but I'm pretty tired. I think I'm going to hit the sack. Goodnight.

"It's a little wet - I found it in the toilet." 02/02/08

I survived my first class of Aikido. Details later. Shower now. Then couch. Details later.

 

in its purest form 02/05/08

Second Aikido class tonight, stayed for both hours. I think I'm in love. I wish I wasn't so dead tired, I'd write all about it, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow.

 

haulin' ash 02/06/08

I finally heard from my childhood pal who has been stationed somewhere in the mountains in Afghanistan for the last year. She's an interrogation specialist. I still can't see her doing that kind of work, haha... but I guess things are going well. I know she can't talk about specifics in her letters. She sent me an awesome but crazy little carved wood basket. When I saw the package and saw her handwriting. I choked up a little bit. Her handwriting hasn't changed at all since we were in school. I have her letter on my desk. It's a strange comfort. I'll have to remember to call our mutual friend, Maureen, tomorrow and tell her I heard from Little Miss Task Force Lightning. It took a long time to get here. The letter was dated November 11th.
I have some MadLibs to send her. We used to play with those when we were young teens and use silly words like butt and boobie and then read them back to each other and be giggly and stupid. I'm sure she'll get a kick out of them. I wonder if I should fill one out for her before sending it to her and use the same retarded junior high lingo we used to use.

I have a new cell phone. A real one. It's a pay-as-you-go type set up, but it auto deducts $10 from our checking, so I never forget to add minutes. I totally need to get a cute little charm for it.

So... Aikido? Yeah, it's awesome. I was all worried about not being able to roll well. I didn't do so well when Brian was showing me, but I actually got one right the first time in the Dojo, so that was cool. It was really my biggest worry as far as learning this stuff goes. Everyone seemed surprised that it was my first class or second class and I was told, at times, that I was doing exceptionally well considering I was brand new to it.

There was a goofy moment when I was supposed to punch at one of the instructors and as I lunged forward, my toe got caught between the mats and I fell down right at his feet. He smiled and made some remark about achieving the purest form of Aikido... you don't even need to touch your opponent! I was a little embarrassed, but mostly, it was just funny as hell.

I'm learning so much and I'm so excited about it that I want to just babble on and on, but I know I'll just bore everyone to tears. Besides, it's 2am and I really should head to bed. G'night everyone!

 

"...like a superhuman baby bent on ultimate victory!" 02/10/08

This weekend sucked. The throat thing that turned into a really bad cold turned into a nasty mass of sick that consumed BOTH me 'n Brian all weekend long. I'm just starting to pull out of it now. Brian seems to be a day behind me in symptoms and progress, though he didn't get all the symptoms that I got... probably because he's a tough old bastard. He hardy ever gets sick.

I missed work not only on Thursday, but also Friday. That means ZERO hours for the whole week. In addition to missing work, Brian and I both missed out on Kangeiko (intense winter training weekend) ENTIRELY. We were very, very sore about that. I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it to all the events this weekend, but Brian was. Our class was going to go to Sifu Chan's to do a demonstration and join in the festivities for Chinese New Year. He missed out on all that as well as the regular training.

This brand of sick zapped everything out of me. I had no energy for anything. Friday was the worst. I turned on my computer, but didn't do anything but sit in my chair and either stare out the window or stare at the floor. I played about 20 minutes of video games total. I didn't even bathe at all on Friday. That can only mean one thing: I was SICK!

 

I'm Alive 02/18/08

I've barely been in front of my computer for the last... week? more?

I have two days off that I can dedicate to cleaning the condo and creative output. My life has been work, work, work, sore feet, returning cough, Aikido and then yesterday Brian and I went in for Zazen training. That was different. I neither liked it or disliked it. It was very difficult in some ways and perfectly simple in others. I'll be trying it again. We'll see.

After Zazen, Brian and I were in the dojo alone. I attempted to practice rolling, but I was sore from training the night before (mostly due to a bad roll where my head bounced off the mats, ouch) and couldn't get warmed up properly. Brian practiced his bokken and jo staff work, then messed around with some old Kung Fu forms. That was crazy to see after so long.

We have two hours of Aikido tonight... provided we actually go. The weather is supposed to be absurd and we've already done a lot of driving in bad weather this weekend. I'm still sore, but I think I'm workable and my cough has died down again.

 

sweet rice 02/25/08

Hey folks,

Not a lot to say because I'm pretty tired. I wanted to share some pictures from Saturday. [pictures omitted] After Aikido there was a class for Zazen training. Brian and I had already had a short sit last Sunday, but were curious about it and about meeting Moore Sensei, an actual Roshi.

I don't have a lot to say about it. I'm not sure if it's for me or not. I think I'm going to try it a few more times. I've done sitting and standing meditations before, but I wouldn't call myself particularly knowledgeable in either.

After we got back home and showered, The Goober came over and we went out to eat at an awesome Indian restaurant. Mmmm. Then we played pool.

NEXT Saturday, I get more Aikido and then later, we get to go over to Sensei's and watch the big fight. Silva vs. Henderson!

 

"Grandma loves you!" 03/04/08

Ahh... it feels so good to have a day off to myself. Last week I worked eight hours everyday. I am so not used to working full time. I'm not actually full time, I just had to cover for someone having a family crisis. Aikido on Saturday and last night was awesome. I am SO in love. I'm trying to talk Brian into working from home tomorrow so I can ride with him into class tomorrow night. I seriously can't get enough.

"Mac is scheduled to make his return to the Octagon on April 19th against Jiu-Jitsu expert Mark Bocek in Montreal, Canada at UFC 83, live on ppv."

FINALLY! I get more Mac Danzig! AND it's the same fight night as the big Serra vs. St. Pierre match. Oh... be still my heart! I see Bisping is also fighting... awesome.

This condo is SO messy. I must clean, clean, CLEAN!

 

nomenclature 03/09/08

My head is just swimming with Japanese names and terms. Kokyo-doza, suwari-waza, kotagaeshi, tai-sebaki, tenkan, koshinage, kaiso, ura, ikkyo, nikkyo, hanmi, omote, seiza, joseki, shimoseki, katadori, kohai, shomenuchi, yokomenuchi, shikko, gozaimasu... and I actually know what all of those mean. I didn't a month and a half ago... or even a week ago. Everything is clicking now.

I've spent the last few days proof reading the student handbook for the Kyoseikan Dojo. Today I went over the errors I found with Mata Sensei, as well as the changes I'm proposing and got his feedback... over some sushi. Yum! Many typos to be fixed, appendix containing history/ lineage information to be added, glossary to be added, portions need to be rewritten all together... and last but not least, all the information regarding the Aikido Association of America needs to be removed and replaced with the info on Birankai International. I will be doing some illustrations for it as well as a cover. So expect some Aikido related sketches to be posted soon.

Now if only Microsoft wasn't such a douche about letting people DO things in their trial software downloads.... because seriously.... I can't even EDIT TEXT in it.. or copy or paste. I can't do ANYTHING. Everything is all grayed out. Ugh. I wonder if Brian has a pirated copy of it somewhere. I wish Sensei had all this stuff in a different format.

 

koho tento undo 03/18/08

I'm sure everyone is sick of reading about how much I love Aikido. So I'll keep it short and just say that class was a lot of fun and the last hour of sword work was awesome. Now I have a bath to take, lunch to eat, emails to respond to (4 from Sensei alone) and designs to sketch.

 

"I am very happy to be here." 04/01/08

Just warning you, this may be the ultimate in boring posts of randomness.

I'm currently living on an orange, cashews and water, since we have virtually nothing else in the condo. Oh well, I just need to hold out a little longer til Brian gets home. We need groceries so, so bad. We've just been so busy.

All right... it's that time again. It's time for me to start blabbering joyously about Aikido. Last night's class was tremendously awesome. The first hour was swordwork and HOLY MONKEY! It was so much fun. I learned all the proper stances. It's very hard to keep your shoulders relaxed and elbows together. I worked with Belrose Sensei for the entire hour. Belrose Sensei, not to be confused with Mata Sensei, is a super perfectionist, which can be good and bad depending on the situation. He corrects every tiny little thing he sees you doing wrong. In this case, I felt it was a very good thing. I felt that I absorbed so much more than I would have if I'd been paired up with another student.
When we finished that portion of the class, we all bowed to one another and shook hands. When I thanked Belrose Sensei, I gave him a firm hand shake and told him "I am very happy to be here."

There are so many seminars and events going on this Spring and Summer. I'm so excited! Shochugeiko (intense summer training) is in Chicago this year at Shinjinkai. Sensei told us it was going to be "very hot and crowded, but a lot of fun." We're going to need a place to stay with a washer and dryer because it's going to be two or three days of all day training... of course, maybe by then we'll have more than one gi for each of us. It pains me to think of our gi being soaked and nasty all weekend until we can get them into a washing machine. It'd be like wadding a wet towel in the bottom of a bag and leaving it there to ferment and/or mold.

I also JUST got an email from Sensei about a swordsmanship seminar coming up in May or June. OMGSQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

 

broken 04/08/08

Very tired right now, but stuffs been going on, yo:

- Five days of Aikido training in a row. Three down, two to go... three if I'm feeling ambitious.
- Sony loves us right now. We're the proud new owners of a 40" 1080p Sony HDTV, a PS3 and a new PS2.
- Games bought: Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus, Metal Gear Solid 3 and God of War.
- Game Demos Downloaded: Heavenly Sword, Devil May Cry 4, Resistance: Fall of Man and Turok.
- Games rented: Uncharted, Devil May Cry 4, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction.
- Brian and I both have the week off... cept I was told I have to work Friday. Oh well. Close to a complete week off... good enough.
- We've been spring cleaning like mad (in between playing with our new games on our huge ass TV, wooo-hooooo!) We have a LARGE amount of stuff to get rid of.
- I miss my online friends. I'll try and log on tomorrow night for sure and be steady again.
- Speaking of online friends, I've completed registration for the swordsmanship seminar. We're golden.

Nighty night!

 

shugyo! think shugyo! 05/02/08

I hope you all enjoyed knowing me, because I'm not going to survive this weekend. The aikido seminar's opening night has torn me a new one. I screwed up my knee after nearly an hour of suwari-waza. Luckily, like last time it happened, it popped back into place. It's still sore, but I can move it.
I hurt my shoulder doing rushed, improper rolls. I've been having a lot of trouble with forward rolls. I practice by myself while the rest of the class goes through their rolls, backward rolls, sidefalls, breakfalls, etc. Just last week, Sensei told me to go back to koho tento undo and perfect that before I even attempt practicing to roll anymore.

Savoca Sensei, the gent giving the seminar, had us all line up and practice rolls. Everyone else in the room knew how to roll but me. I was determined to not wuss out and ask to go practice in a corner. I didn't want to embarrass my dojo or my Sensei. So... I attempted to roll with the big boys. Hoo hoo hooo... and I did it. My rolls were far from perfect, but I was keeping up.
Unfortunately, at the beginning of the second hour, he had us practice them again and this time I wasn't so smooth. I was the antithesis of smoothness. My shoulder hurts sooo much.

I also now know what it feels like to bathe in my own sweat. I cannot remember a time I ever sweat so much in my whole life. In fact, I don't ever remember doing anything that was so physically demanding. Seriously. This is no exaggeration. It was grueling. I knew it was going to be hard. I didn't know it was going to be this hard. My gi (and everyone else's) was completely soaked within twenty minutes of the start of the seminar.

The thing that has me terrified is this: This was day one. Two hours. Tomorrow, Day Two, will be SIX HOURS. There will be an hour and a half break, so it'll be 3 hours, break, three hours... but still. I am totally going to DIE out there on the tatami!!!
Day Three will also be a solid three hour block.

Aikido is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. All my life, I've always quit something as soon as the going got tough or I was taken out of my comfort zones. I decided to put a stop to that over the turn of the year. I am never going to quit. I still want this so bad I can taste it.

 

Surviving the Robert Savoca Seminar 05/05/08

Savoca opened day two with more suwari-waza techniques. Anyone who didn't have raw knees by the end of Friday night, had them by the end of Saturday's training. The first three hours were the hardest. After break, we grabbed our weapons and headed to a park around the corner. Training in the park was really cool at first because it was sunny with a mild breeze, but as we worked into bokken techniques, it clouded up and began raining. It was a drizzly rain, not heavy at all... but after time, we were damp and cold. My nose was running and my hair kept blowing in my face.
After the rest of the training and testing was done for the day, we all went to a restaurant and cut loose. I still can't believe I made it through the day. I kept wondering, each minute that passed, was that the last minute I had before I broke... but I did it!

I woke up on day three barely able to move. I iced my shoulder, drank some coffee, took some ibuprofen and packed for class. Brian and I changed and started warming up. Class started, we were all stretching and then when I bent over... my stomach kind of gurgled. I pressed on, trying to ignore it.
I got permission to stand back during rolling exercises because yesterday I hurt my shoulder because I was trying to roll when I didn't really know how yet. So I was standing next to Mata Sensei and said, "I feel like I could get sick."
He smiled at me and balled up his fists, saying, "That's good! You're training HARD!"
I laughed and we watched them roll a while longer. Then I actually did feel like I was really going to throw up. I said, "Uh, seriously... I think I really do need the bathroom."
He turned and looked me in the face a second, then swatted me on the back and said, "Go!"
I gingerly made my way across the mat, full of people, now doing shiko exercises (knee walking). I got to the bathroom and started throwing up before I could get the seat up, so I accidentally hit my sleeve a little. All there was was coffee and a half dissolved ibuprofen. Ew. So I ended up sitting out of all of Sunday's training.
At least I was able to help out. Everyone had raw knees from Saturday and over night, they'd scabbed over. Since Savoca, once again, had opened practice with suwari-waza techniques, everyone's knees were cracking open and bleeding. There was a lot of bandages and medical tape to be handed out. I bandaged up some guys and helped guests find things. A guy would come up to me needing the bandaging for one foot, then a few minutes later, he'd need it for the other foot. I also took some pictures for Sensei.

Over all, I think the seminar was a great success. I think everyone had a good time and learned a lot. I know I did. I know that I am still new to the point that I didn't understand everything that was shown to us, but I still learned a lot. I learned where some of my limits are and I learned that I am capable of a lot more than I ever thought I was... and in time, I will be capable of even more.

I can't wait for class tonight.

 

text book definition 05/06/08

So last night's class was a blast. It was small. I think only 8 people showed up. There were probably many people exhausted from the seminar. The dojo seemed downright roomy after having nearly fifty aikidoka in it over the weekend.
I thought I was going to be really tired after wards because of the seminar, but by the end of class, I was totally full of energy. It was crazy. It might have had something to do with the excitement of participating in a randori as an attacker... and then participating in a randori as the defender! Holy crap! Have no idea what randori is? Try watching this video.

I thought I would be totally nervous about my first randori, but I wasn't at all. I was only going to be as good as I could possibly be as a student of only three months. I know I was muscling my two attackers out of the way too much. My legs were numb from sitting seiza watching everyone else practice. At one point during the randori, I stumbled and fell, but I'm not embarrassed. I did what I could. I can't wait to try it again... hopefully with fresh legs.

During the line-up at the end of class, Mata Sensei asked if anyone could tell him what shugyo meant. No one else seemed like they knew, so I stuck my hand up in the air. Belrose Sensei made a guess, saying "body, mind and spirit?" Then Mata Sensei called on me and I said "positive training spirit?"
He said, "Ehhh... that's a text book definition." and went on to describe it as being a little different for each person. Everyone has their reason for being an aikidoka. I won't go into boring detail, but his lecture really spoke to me. I have my reasons for being there. It's a personal test for me. I left class feeling very positive and rejuvenated.

red letter day 05/19/08

I feel like I have a lot to say and not a whole lot of energy and motivation to say it. I've hit a pretty stiff wall in my Aikido training, yet at the same time, I've scarcely felt so dedicated and determined.

I am so excited about the swordsmanship seminar coming up. Three weeks to go! I'm also excited about Fight Night on Saturday. I highly doubt anyone on my f-list gives a rats patootie, but I'm so giddy and pumped up that I made and added some UFC icons. I know, I know... hopeless fangirl.

Well, fifteen minutes to go before we leave for class. I better pack up and be ready.

 

I found my kiai 06/03/08

Class last night was SO much fun. We had several new students, so we had a pretty easy first hour. We did a lot of tai sabaki movements, but even though it was some of the basics, we practiced things I'd never done before. We lined back up to start second hour and Sensei rubbed at his beard and said "what do you guys feel like doing for this hour?" No one was saying anything. I looked around, then at Sensei and made the motion of swinging a bokken with my hands. I had no idea if I was going to get my way or not, but hey, as long as he's asking. So he nodded at me and said "Bokken? all right, everyone grab a bokken."

Woo-hoo! I felt spoiled. We learned an awesome technique, kokyu-nage with a bokken. As you deflect a shomenuchi cut, you slip up next to your opponent and hook the tsuka (handle) of the bokken on your opponent's wrist, while wrapping an arm around their head. From that you can step back, pivot and throw. Throwing with a weapon in your hand was something new for me... and so is falling. Sensei said, if you don't feel like you're ready or don't have control of your bokken, then just tell your nage not to throw you. Well, I was falling all right... not great, but well enough. In one instance, however, I was working with Brian and concentrating on making sure my bokken didn't fly up and smack him in the face when he threw me that I wasn't prepared to actually take the fall. I realized it in time for him to not throw me, but not in enough time to not be twisted around in a position where I should have fallen. Consequently, I pulled every muscle in my lower back. I am very sore.

I am so very fired up for the swordsmanship seminar on Sunday. I am very eager to have a certain couple of Canadians over... speaking of which...

Happy Birthday, Aaron!!!

My new tsuba came in and I got to test it last night with the bokken work. I love it. It's bigger than the regular plastic ones and it feels like it absorbs more of the impact. Very happy!

 

sensei kisses 06/10/08

This weekend was awesome, except for that bit about the flooding. Aaron and Ashley arrived early Saturday morning with enough time to grab some food and get a tour of the condo before we left for the dojo.

Class was fun. Aaron was able to keep up. There was some testing preparation during second hour and I got to "be the Sensei" for our group of three while everyone else practiced for the higher ranking tests. While showing Aaron and Chris B. some irimi movements, Sensei noticed the bruise on my wrist that I was just getting over from last Monday. He smiled and gave my wrists extra hard squeezes while I demonstrated the exercise. Now both of my wrists have even more big, dark bruises on them. I call them sensei kisses.

A young student tested at the end of class. He was allowed to do so early because he was going to be on a month long vacation when the actual test day came along. He passed and as everyone was cleaning the dojo, Sensei came up to me while I was dusting a shelf in the front. He asked me some questions about what I thought of the test and in short, he TRICKED me into admitting that I pushed myself a little bit more, I could test for 5th kyu this month instead of August as I'd planned. Sensei is SNEAKY!!!

After we showered and returned to Ashley, who had been taking it easy back at the condo (and loving on my bathtub), we went and had sushi. While we ate awesome food, we marveled at the storm outside. It was constant flickering lightning, strong winds and lots of rain. We laughed at the lake that had formed in the parking lot while we were inside and how it sprayed up when we drove out. I watched with delight as the sky continued to light up while we drove home. Brian dropped us off at the door and we headed inside. We were waiting outside of the door because I didn't have my keys on me. I started getting antsy because Brian was taking an unusually long time getting inside. Then another resident walking by us in the hallway said that the building was flooding. That's about when I started thinking the storm wasn't so cool anymore.

Turns out, Brian was dealing with the water that flowed into our garage when he opened the door. There were parts of the hallways in the lower level of the building that had about eight inches of standing water. One of those areas was right on the other side of the wall from our bedroom. Turns out, the only problem with our condo was a soaked carpet in our bedroom. I know that in terms of flooding, we were extremely lucky. This was nothing. There were actually six fatalities from the storm. Brian and I put our mattress on the living room floor and have been sleeping there for the past three nights and will do so again tonight. Our guests slept on an air mattress in our loft. Over all, it just could have been much worse. The four of us could have had to get a hotel room, heh.

Instead of sitting at the dojo and watching us train for six hours, Ashley hung back at the condo again while Brian, Aaron and I practiced Aikido and Iaido with Nicklaus Suino Sensei - a world renowned swordsman and author. I am eternally grateful for her help in dealing with the maintenance men who came in to clean up the water in our bedroom, for taking Harley out, for doing our dishes, all without being asked and for being the most awesome entity in the universe in general.

Ashley, you freakin' rule the universe...

After the incredible seminar, we gorged on good Indian food, drove by the beach and came back home to relax. All in all, the weekend was awesome. I just wish our guests hadn't had to deal with the water problems and hope they didn't feel uncomfortable staying with us.
I love you guys so much and this summer or fall, it's our turn to come visit you! I hope the drive home was relatively easy-going.

So for now, the next two weeks are going to be training, training, training! You're looking at (er, reading the blog of) a future 5th kyu aikidoka!

I know I forgot to mention about a billion cool/funny/awesome things that happened this weekend, but it's getting late. We get our bedroom back tomorrow. Which means I'll be able to stay up a little longer tomorrow night... unfortunately, if I stay up much longer, I'll keep Brian awake.

 

5th kyu Aikidoka 06/20/08

I passed my test. Brian passed his. I'm a 5th kyu and he's a 4th. Too tired to give details, but it was a good day. Now I'm hitting the shower, hitting the bed and tomorrow morning we will venture deep in the woods for some relaxation.

 

Hajime 06/21/08 4:33am

Well, this is about the most idiotic thing ever. Why can't I sleep? I'm so tired. This happened to me after the weekend long seminar in the beginning of May. You'd think I'd be sleeping like the dead, but I keep snapping awake every couple of minutes. I have this feeling of needing to be constantly ready for something. I have no idea why.
"Gyaku Hamni Kaitenage... Hajime!"

Oh well, there will be plenty of opportunity for rest this weekend. I'm pretty curious about the recording of the test. I wonder if they take stills from the video.

My little sisters are going to be SIXTEEN on Monday.

I wonder if Brian is having any better luck sleeping than I was.

"Yame."

misty dew drops in our eyes 07/16/08

So... what's up with me you ask? Uhh... stuff. Stuff's been going on. Nothing terribly exciting. Artistically, I've been feeling a bit of block with little drive to see things through... which is exactly the opposite of what I've been feeling for more than a year now. As commissions have been non-existent, I'm changing gears and going to try marketing a few different skills. All else fails, my old manager at the cafe said I'm welcome back in the fall when all of her college kids go back to school.

We have a seminar in Chicago this coming weekend. We're leaving early Saturday morning, all of us cramming into the van that Belrose Sensei chauffeurs his kids around in. There will be seven or eight of us in two rooms. I hear that Shinjinkai Dojo has no air and we'll be training for six hours on Saturday. I will admit to being a little worried.
I totally wanted to visit Jerry, but we'll only be there one night and we'll be dead dog tired with little time to socialize. We'll come to visit you soon, buddy.

Here are shots of the front and back of the tshirt I'm doing for our dojo. The front is finished but the back needs tweaking.

I've been playing Battlefield: Bad Company... a lot. I put more than 13 hours into the demo and we finally bought the full game last night. I totally don't get into the whole first person shooter thing at all. The last FPS games I played were probably GoldenEye for the 64 and the first installments of Doom, Quake and Duke Nukem for the PC. In fact, I think the Duke Nukem was a shareware demo or something.
What's great is even if you're getting creamed every thirty seconds, half of the time that you'd be frustrated with the game, it's hilarious some of the ways you can die. I've been run over. I've had a helicopter land on me. I've been a sniper and accidentally spotted another sniper through my scope just as he was spotting me and we killed each other simultaneously. My glory moment was when I came up behind a guy and knifed him, which is hard to do. Once I killed him, I realized he was the top score holder for the game we were in. He had like five times as many points as the second place guy... and I have his dog tags. Yeah, I'm a geek.

Other than that, Brian has been stressed out and busy, so we actually skipped Saturday's class and just sat around relaxing. He really needed it. We had dinner over at Jake & Rose's on Sunday and they even treated us to ice cream and donuts after. Mmmm.

Monday nights class was difficult, but fun. An hour of suwari-waza, followed by an hour of bokken work. Suwari-waza always hurts my feet and by a half hour, my legs are so tired that I get sloppy. I don't maintain good control through out the hour. We also did kokyudoza and I had the BIGGEST guy in the room. He was very nice and helped me out with some pointers though.
Every week something new hurts. This time it's shoulders, hands and feet.

This month has flown by so fast!

EDIT: Yeah, my blog posts, previously written in another journal, aren't in order. The dates in which they were originally written is in the blog entry title.

Brian and I left for Chicago Saturday morning. Colleen and Racheal met us in Holland before we left so we could all ride down together. It stormed terribly on our way down to the point that we couldn't see the tail lights of any vehicles in front of us, but knew that they were there. We made it down and met the rest of our group (Sensei, Chris, Craig and Nick) at a diner for breakfast, then head straight on over to Shinjinkai, the dojo hosting Shochugeiko.

The bathrooms were separate from the dojo (down a little hall) and while large with many stalls were kind of dingy. They also had no ventilation, so we were all sweating before we were even changed into our uniforms.

The seminar in general, was fantastic. The dojo either didn't have air or it was purposely left off. The windows were cracked, but there was no breeze. Shochugeiko, if I hadn't mentioned it before, means intense summer training, so the purpose of this seminar was to train in excessive heat.

I was surprised that it didn't take much to get used to the heat or the copious amounts of sweat. It's hard to feel embarrassed, practicing in a soaked gi when everyone else is doing the same. There were no dry people in the dojo. Moore Sensei is amazing. I feel like I learned a lot. I only had to take two small breaks during practice, mostly just to drink water before jumping back in.

After several hours of training, you could suck in great big breaths of air, but it felt like there was no oxygen left in the dojo. The class as a whole had regular breaks every one-and-a-half to two hours. We trained for six hours and towards the very end, we were practicing kokyudosa, a seated technique, and my right calf cramped up painfully. A minute later, it was the left. Then a little while after that, I wasn't breathing properly during a technique. As I strained, I started seeing all white and everything started sounding distant.

Before I could pass out, I got permission from Moore Sensei to sit out. As I sat with my cup of Gatorade (yuck) and my cup of water, I realized that I no longer felt hot or thirsty, a sure sign that my body was shutting down. I forced as much as I could down. I looked at the clock and was surprised to find that I made it within the last twenty minutes of the days training. If only I could have held out just a bit longer! I could have done the whole day! I was one of four people who had to sit out early, so I don't really feel that bad.

Unfortunately, we didn't have enough time to head back to check into the hotel and shower before going to the dinner, so we had to clean up as best we could in the crappy bathrooms. I used a lemon-scented wet nap to "wash" my face, but there's little you can do to feel fresh after you've been sweating for six hours in a dojo with thirty-five other aikidoka... but hey, I've been camping in the height of summer time. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Dinner was awesome. I had delicious sushi and drank a ton of water and cherry coke. A lot of people were drinking. I don't understand how anyone could drink alcohol after that kind of day of training!

We didn't get to the hotel until 11 at night and then found out there were "difficulties" with our rooms... as in, we didn't HAVE them. Apparently, if you book rooms for a hotel through Orbitz, even if you call the hotel for confirmation and have a printed out confirmation slip, you are not guaranteed your reserved room. After sitting in the lobby for an HOUR and arguing with the guy behind the desk, they miraculously found us two rooms. Nick stayed in our room with us, while Sensei, Chris, Craig, Racheal and Colleen stayed in another. I opted to take my shower last because I didn't want to feel rushed. Once we were finally clean again (sometime after midnight) we headed down to Sensei's room for some cards. We never played cards. Instead, it was a non-stop hotel room BRAWL. Chris started fights with Sensei. Sensei would finish them. Craig would jump on both of them.

Craig also decided to provoke me into getting in on the action by jumping in front of me, as if he were about to pounce on me and said, "c'mon... you're just sitting there!" I did my best to look uninterested and just then a loud roll of thunder could be heard from the window behind me. I said, "wow, sounds like it's really storming out-" and before finishing my sentence, I turned around and punched him right in the unprotected stomach. It was nice and soft - he totally hadn't been expecting that. I have to admit, it felt good... especially after the frustration in the hotel lobby. Then he found out my feet were ticklish and it was game on. At one point, there was a giant pile up involving Sensei, Chris, Craig, Colleen and me. Colleen threw pillows. Racheal mostly stayed in her little corner and watched us like we were crazy. Brian and Nick also did not join in on the grand melee, but enjoyed the show. I played the role of the opportunist and struck while people were distracted. This involved sticking the tv remote down the back of Sensei's pants... then later, Chris' pants. Ice cubes were thrown. Drinks were spilled. Things got crazy. No one got to bed until after 3am.

In the morning, no one was in a big hurry to get moving. Chris was sick and everyone else was just plain whipped. We managed to find a laundry mat and got our uniforms going while we ate breakfast at a nice little diner. It was only a three hour training day on Sunday, so it went by very fast... especially because it was fun. We spent the whole time learning empty hand techniques against bokken and disarming. When it was over, there was going to be testing. Two of them were shodan tests and would have been very, very long. Brian and I decided that it was time to head home and I'm glad we did, because we found out later that the tests were extremely long and we wouldn't have gotten home until very late.

We ended up taking Nick with us instead of Colleen, so that she could stay behind and watch the tests. Rachel still went back up with us. Over all, we had a great time and the training was good. The trip could have been planned better, but now we know for next time. We even managed to make it to Monday night's class, though I sat out for the second hour due to not feeling well at all. Sensei talked a little bit about 'turning up the heat' on us. I think after seeing his teacher (Moore Sensei) and seeing what we were all capable of during the seminar, I think he's decided that he's not hard enough on us. It'll be interesting to see how things develop.

This is a topic that just recently came up during a group chat with a few friends... how I've come close to crying in class three times, but have yet to actually break down and do it. I've never really considered myself a crier, though I have had rough patches in my life where I've been very emotional. Though I don't consider it to be wimpy or shameful, for women or men, I try to avoid letting people see me cry. It can be embarrassing in front of certain people.

Most of the people at the dojo are becoming good friends, even close friends. There is a definitive family feel to the group. We sweat, bleed, hurt and triumph together. That is a bond. It might mean different things to different people or mean more or less depending on who you ask, but to me, it means a lot.

On the third day of the Savoca Seminar when my body broke down too much to go on, I stayed in the break area just off the mats and did not change into my regular clothes right away. Even though I'd vomited on the sleeve of my gi, I'd tried washing it and was hoping that after a little bit of sitting, that I'd be able to join back in and complete the last day of training. When I realized I wasn't feeling any better and that my gi still smelled like vomit, when I realized that I was done, that there would be no joining back in... I hung my head and wanted to cry. I feel like I could almost cry right now, just recalling the feeling. I felt like I let Brian, Mata Sensei and myself down. I felt like I had failed.

In the end, I realize I had not failed. I'd pushed myself as far as I could at that point. In time, I will grow to have more strength and endurance. In terms of difficulty, people have said that that seminar was extremely hard. It was my first seminar. Mata Sensei told me it was a great accomplishment doing as much as I did, but in the moment, I was broken down physically and emotionally. After recovering, I am now very proud of how much I got through.

At Shochugeiko, just a few weekends ago, I made it though nearly the entire day of training. I came within twenty minutes of completing the six hours of training of day one. At the moment I realized that I was done and could not go on, I also felt that nearly overwhelming urge to cry, but managed to hold it in.

The third instance was actually the first time it ever happened to me. It's less noteworthy because it was mostly due to pain. My knee was jammed (I don't know of any other way to describe it) and was extremely painful. It was difficult to sit seiza, which is hard on the knees on a normal day. I could barely do it. I had one leg kind of splayed out beside me, instead of tucked up under me. At the end of class, we all stay on our knees and bow, thanking each other. Mata Sensei crawled up to me and we bowed. He shook my hand and asked how things were going. In a croaky voice, I said "fine." If he'd stayed in front of me for a second longer and looked at me a little closer with those big brown eyes of his, I think I would have popped. I was glad when he moved on to the next person in line. I was still very new at that point and would have been terribly embarrassed.

Nowadays, I am much more comfortable in class. Things that would have embarrassed me before, I no longer even give thought to. I used to agonize about being called up to help demonstrate in front of class. I barely think about it now. It happened today and all I thought about was trying to give Belrose Sensei good ukemi so his demonstration would be good for the class. I use to dread the idea of doing randori. By the time my first try came around, I was barely nervous at all. I even "messed up" and fell down. I wasn't really embarrassed. I'm pretty darn comfortable with my fellow aikidoka. I always do my best. It's all I can ever do, so worrying about everything else is pointless.

So fast forward to today's class. As we did rolls during warm-ups, I hurt my shoulders, one more than the other. The techniques we practiced today were quite shoulder-intensive and caused me a lot of pain. By the end of first hour, I was pretty frustrated. Luckily, I was able to calm myself down during the break and was doing pretty good for second hour... until... we all got into one group to practice something I can't recall the name of. Each of us had a turn doing the technique and throwing everyone in class. These types of group exercises almost always involve rolling out of the technique, which is still very difficult for me. It happened to be Brian's turn, not that it matters because it was my bad roll that hurt me. It definitely wasn't anything he did.

I got back into the end of the line and could barely stand up straight, my whole side hurt, especially my ribs. As others came to the end of the line, I stepped to the side and let them in because at the moment, I didn't know if I should continue the exercise. I turned away from everyone and put my face in my sleeve, because I felt the wet works coming on. It hurt so bad and I was pretty emotionally downtrodden. Brian came up when he was done with his turn and asked if I was all right. All I could really say was "that one really hurt."

The line kept moving along until it was close to my turn to be thrown again. I bit my lip and stepped back in. I rolled out again. It was down the other side of my body, so it didn't hurt as much. Immediately after, it was my turn to perform the technique on other people. I barely remember it. It was a blur of messing up and trying not to cry. Somehow I got through it and we all lined up to finish class. As everyone was bowing and thanking one another, I slipped out the front door. I walked away from the windows, crouched down against the brick wall and cried.

Aikido is hard.

Thankfully no one came out looking for me. I didn't cry very hard. I definitely didn't do the big choking sobs thing, but I waited a little bit after I was done so I wouldn't walk back in with my face all red. I think Brian is the only one who noticed. I changed and we went out to lunch with Chris.

I went on with this much longer than I meant to and have forgotten the actual purpose of this post. I guess it was just to say that I'm not really embarrassed because crying is just another part of personal development. Mata Sensei even gave a brief lecture in class several months ago about crying. No one had cried that day, came close or gotten hurt. Nothing that I knew of had prompted the lecture, but Mata Sensei spoke of grown men suddenly weeping during training. He talked about people having breakthroughs, shedding personal weaknesses or people simply becoming physically and emotionally broken down. He said there was no shame in it. It's a part of training too.

Each experience is like another stone being placed in a path in front of you. You just have to keep putting stones down to see where the path leads. The thing is, I don't think the path actually leads anywhere. Mata Sensei wrote this to me in an email some time ago:

"There are no great rewards for this kind of training, just training. Keep that in mind and enjoy the ride."

It's all about the journey, isn't it?

Fight Night last night was fun. There wasn't a big turn out at all, but we kind of expected that. Mata Sensei and Chris came out and we had Fricano's pizza and watched Rampage and Griffin duke it out for five rounds. It went to decision and Forrest Griffin actually took the title. It was extremely close. I love both fighters, so I would have cheered either victor, but I was hoping for a knock out or a little more action. No big deal.

I saw one of the bloodiest fights and also heard one of the most bizarre comments ever made... when Joe Rogan referenced a gaping split on a fighter's brow as looking like a "goat's vagina". Uhhhh... ok, dude... I didn't know he was so familiar with barn yard animal genitalia.